I've never known a girl like you before,

Your arse is hairy and a little raw,

Here you come a-knock knocking on my door,

Use the bell you silly cow I've told you before.

(Guitar Solo - Probally by Lard)



Had a big snog and now I want more (Slurpy mouth noises),

Now my gums are bleeding and my chin's red raw,

Do you have to sport that bushy beard on your jaw ?

But I've never met a girl like you before.

(Another guitar solo)



You went out and bought a kitchen devil for me,

we took it on a picnic to southend on sea,

Did you have to coat your testicles in Dairylea ?

And how long have you had cobblers in lingerie ?

And I've never met a girl like you before