Brain: Through meticulous analysis of history

I will find a way to make the people worship me.

By studying the conquerors of days gone by,

I'll discover the mistakes that made them go awry.

Pinky: So that you can make the same mistakes if you just try.

Brain: By studying the past so carefully,

I won't repeat the same mistakes of history.

Pinky: You'll never make another mistake, you see,

'cause you'll fall asleep from reading all that history.



Brain: Pay attention Pinky!

When Cleopatra reigned as Queen,

With Roman leaders she was often seen.

But when she had no ruling friend,

She found a poison snake to bite her in the end.

Pinky: A bite down there I really wouldn't recommend.

Brain: I won't need world alliances,

When I'm commanding everyone's appliances.

Pinky: Oh no Brain, that would really smart,

To be bitten on the bottom by a Cuisinart.



Brain: Hannibal, our book confirms,

Tried conquering Italy with pachyderms.

Just why he failed, nobody tells,

But he never could get past the Roman sentinels.

Pinky: And he couldn't find his weapons in the peanut shells.

Brain: An elephant is not required,

If I can use the media to be admired.

Pinky: The TV viewers you'll delight,

Unless the network puts your show on Sunday night.



Brain: Attila was a mighty Hun,

He ransacked Asia Minor just for fun.

But when he got to Europe's banks,

He was routed by an army of heroic Franks.

Pinky: I like mine with sauerkraut and mustard, thanks.

Brain: Why pillage like a criminal,

When I can send out messages subliminal.

Pinky: Please send a message to that Hun,

To see if he can pillage me a hot dog bun.

[whack] Zort!



Brain: Caligula was no boy scout,

He did things that we can't even talk about.

The Romans knew he'd lost his head,

When he filled a vacant Senate seat with Mr. Ed.

Pinky: What's wrong with being friendly with a thoroughbred?

Brain: Why rule like such a reprobate,

When I can put the world in a hypnotic state?

Pinky: When everybody's in a trance,

You can make the people do a chicken dance.



Brain: Pinky, if you don't stop this foolishness,

I shall have to hurt you.

Pinky: 'kay.



Brain: In France, Napoleon Buonaparte,

Thought beating Austria was very smart.

But when he took on England too,

He was beaten up by Wellington at Waterloo.

Pinky: And now he's just a pastry filled with creamy goo.

Brain: Why conquer with depravity,

I'll win the world by undermining gravity.

Pinky: And even if your plan falls through,

Maybe they will name a pastry after you.

[squirt] Waahahaha!



Brain: From Ghengis Khan to Charlemagne,

From Alexander down to Tamburlaine.

I find a ruler's tragic flaw,

And gain a little wisdom out of each faux pas.

Pinky: Don't forget the former Governor of Arkansas.

Brain: That concludes my little rhyme,

I hope this lesson wasn't just a waste of time.

Pinky: Well Brain, I've learned that one thing's true,

Every one of them has failed, and so have you.



Brain: Thank you for your vote of confidence.

Now come, we must prepare for tomorrow night.

Pinky: Why, what are we going to do tomorrow night?

(Gasp) Sing a song about all the world's cheeses?

Brain: No, Pinky, we shall try to take over the world --

Through meticulous analysis of history.



(Fade out)



Pinky: Oh, but I like the cheese song, Brain.