The Ballad of Big-Ass Lil and Yukon Pete--John "Dr. Dirty" Valby



Grab your glass and get your seat,

And I'll tell you about Big-Ass Lil and Yukon Pete!



Now, Lil was the village queen,

The fuckinest hoar you'd ever seen.

While some girls fucked with grace and ease,

Lil blew dick like the summer breeze.

But when she fucked, she fucked for keeps,

She piled her victims up in heaps.



There was a rumor 'round that town,

That no man could put Lil's ass down.

But way up north, where twin rivers meet,

Lived a one-balled half-breed, name Yukon Pete!



Pete was a dirty, motherless soul,

Who fucked bears, sheep and woodchuck holes.

He got a whip for Big-Ass Lil,

Packed up his rubbers, and came down the hill.

He strode into town on size 32 feet,

Dragging sixteen yards of that red-hot meat!



Well, the scene was set at windy mill,

By the brick shithouse, high on the hill.

All the ladies came for a ringside seat,

Just to watch that half-breed sink his meat.



Well, they fucked, and they fucked, and they fucked for hours,

Uprooting trees, shrubs and flowers.

Lil did front flips, back flips, stunts

All unknown to most common cunts.

But Pete caught on to every trick,

And kept on pumping in more dick!



Then Lil gave Pete a hoarhouse squeeze

That brought that half-breed to his knees.

But Pete came back with a Yukon grunt

That popped out her eyes, and split her cunt!



Well, Lil rolled over, cut two farts and sighed:

"Boys, I've been fucked," cut one more, and died.

When they asked that half-breed of his amazing feat,

He just said, "Boys, I'm going back to the Yukon, and beat my meat