On the day that Crazy Tony

Shaved off all his hair

He swore he would get a tattoo

So we drove downtown in dad's company car

Parked at the parlor near the Philly Zoo

He asked the man for a life-size AC outlet

Tattooed on the back of his head

But the power went down

Just as he picked up his needle

We spent the money on drugs instead



Hey Mister Twister, what you got for sale

Where's the stuff you sold my sister

When she last jumped bail

She was high on speed and Hawaiian sinse

We had to peel her off the back

Of the backstop fence

Just as she was on the verge of

Losing it completely

She came down to us and whispered sweetly



She whispered,

"mm stad, stada, mm stad stada, stad"



He sold us sixteen doses, pictures of the King

Went tripping by the riverside

We were underneath the bridge

Launching Roman candles

From a bottle of Banker's Club Rye

But then greasy Tony got busted

He was half-baked and thoroughly stoned



Took off all his clothes

Except his socks and his sneakers

Screamin' at the top of his lungs

And for a minute, I thought he couldn't make it

Then the car stopped up on the bridge

Sayin' isn't it a pity, but that's what happens

When you take too many drugs

At such a tender age

He was all strung out on Dexatrim and doses

And he walked into the water like Holy Moses



We're singing, "Holy Moses, Holy Moses yeah"



"So dang me dang me,

Take a rope and hang me"

If I go back to that one horse town

Can't you see how much I promised

On the second hand news

If I lose I can't face the deflation

I'm living on credit

Trading on lies

And walking in the boots of persuasion