1. I SLOWLY OPEN UP ONE EYE

FEEL A POUNDING IN MY HEAD

MY MOUTH TASTES LIKE I ATE MY SOCKS

LORD I THINK I MUST BE DEAD

THERE'S SOMETHING LYING NEXT TO ME

ITS GOT A HAIRY UGLY FACE

I SAW HER IN A MOVIE ONCE

THE THING FROM OUTER SPACE

2. I SEE LITTLE CREEPY CRAWLERS

IN THE CORNERS OF MY EYE

WHEN I TRY TO LOOK AT THEM

THEY FLAP THEIR LITTLE WINGS AND FLY

I REACH OUT FOR THE NEAREST BEER

IT TASTES AS WARM AS PEE

IT'S FULL OF SOGGY OLD CIGGY BUTTS

BUT I ONLY SWALLOWED THREE



CHORUS:

IT WAS A CRAWLING HOME PUKER

THAT MADE ME THIS WAY

A CRAWLING HOME PUKER

NOW I'VE GOTTA PAY

I AIN’T NO QUITTER

I’LL PARTY TILL THE END

BUT IF I LIVE THROUGH THIS ONE

I’LL NEVER DO IT AGAIN



3.I FALL DOWN UPON MY KNEES

PUT MY ARMS AROUND THE STOOL

I WHISPER TO MY TOILET BOWL

THANKS FOR BEING SO COOL

MY STOMACH FEELS LIKE JELLO

MY BRAINS HAVE TURNED TO MUSH

MY TOILET'S OVER FLOWING

I DON'T HAVE THE STRENGTH TO FLUSH



4. I GOT CRUSTIES ON MY EYEBALLS

AND MY TEETH ARE GROWING HAIR

AND I SMELL JUST LIKE A BEAGLE

WHEN HE'S PASSING STINKY AIR

I FEEL LIKE DEATH WARMED OVER

AND I THINK I'VE GOT THE RUNS

THEN SOMEONE CRACKS A BEER AND SAYS

HEY, HAVE A BEER YOU OLD SON OF A GUN



(REPEAT CHORUS)