Hohoho woke up this morning

With a scary feeling

Realized it was november first

Christmas, oh my god it's nearing



"what am I to do?" I said

Then I covered up my head

Prayed for sleep for two more months

Until this holy mess is over



Wasn't that lucky turned on the tv

Beanie babies on the news

Biggest selling gift this year

What's a tired jew to do?



So tv off tried to escape

Called my friend from silverlake

Said to meet on fairfax for

Some coffee and a kugel



Talked about our fear and dread

Of tinsel lights and parties

Suddenly like a bad dream

Fairfax was transformed into a

Holiday paradise

Everywhere was hanukkah

Shiny sparkly blue and white

Isn't this a little soon?



I got up quick ran to the mall

Before my pain got any worse

What a stupid thing to do

I'm a sitting duck in santa's zoo



Suddenly I couldn't walk

I couldn't breath I couldn't move

Children running everywhere

Screaming 'tis the season



Merry christmas

Merry christmas

But I think I'll miss this one this year



Merry christmas

Merry christmas

But I think I'll miss this one this year



Merry christmas

Merry christmas

I think I'll miss this one this year



Merry christmas

Merry christmas

I think I'll miss this one this year



December first the pain's half gone

Thought about adam's hanukkah song

He forgot to mention me

That's ok his song was better



Photograph on santa's lap

I'm over my fear of shopping

Bought gifts for all my goyim friends

One for each not eight



Sorting cards from all my friends

Sweet of them to take the time

One pile for all the christmas cards

From friends who just don't get it yet



Hanukkah day on overload

I just can't stop eating

I've had so many latkes that

My toches is gonna explode



Thought I'd walk it off

And so I walked to the kabbalah

Center just to kill some time

I thought I spotted madonna



Christmas day hanukkah's done

Woke up feeling funny

'cause I have lost half my hair

And I have spent all of my money



What's a jew to do today?

L.A. is a ghost town

Looks just like another year

Of movies and chinese food



Then suddenly I laughed and laughed

Caught on to what was happening

Christmas magic's brought this tale

To a very happy ending



Merry christmas

Merry christmas

I couldn't miss this one this year



Merry christmas

Merry christmas

I couldn't miss this one this year



Merry christmas

Merry christmas

I wouldn't miss this one this year



Merry christmas

Merry christmas

I wouldn't miss this one this year