Clutching the phone 'til my hands were sore
I never understood pain before, Christopher
You cannot know what it does to me
Hearing you speak with this frequency

I never knew what one voice could do
I was in heaven the moment I heard you
My friends go out drinking and having fun
I stay in bed with my headphones on

Shot down with arrows from waves above
Christopher Lydon renounced my love

It took so long to get through to you
I never understood sorrow, and now I do
I finally got past your monitor
And you broke my heart in two, Christopher

Christopher, I was your listener, Christopher
I've never felt love like this before, Christopher
Christopher, now and forevermore, Christopher
I'll never stop saying Christopher, Christopher

Finally I knew what I had to do
I had to make the connection with you
I don't care if you're old and incontinence
I will be yours 'til the bitter end

So during a show about Joan of Arc
I got through and said
"Christopher Lydon, you've stolen my heart"
When I asked if you felt the same way for me
You cut me off like a guillotine

Drawn like a bull to a matador
I just see visions of Christopher
Shot down with arrows from waves above
Christopher Lydon renounced my love

Christopher, I was your prisoner, Christopher
I hope you're happy now Christopher
Thank you for everything
But I'm not listening anymore
Nor do I plan to contribute to NPR
Christopher, beautiful Christopher
What do you take me for