Backstage at the local Armory, Mary, in her little white dress, is

wiping the remnants of her performance off the side of her mouth as

LARRY (the guy from the garage who quit the band in order to make an

honest living) zips up the front of his stinking boiler suit and

sings to the same teen-age girls who were stomping and clapping a

little while ago, as they kneel with their little pink mouths open

near the crew bus, hoping to save the price of admission by

performing acts of Hooverism on the jolly lads who set up the P.A.

System.



Larry:

Hey Hey Hey all you girls in these

Industrial towns

I know you're prob'ly gettin' tired

Of all the local clowns

They never give you no respect

They never treat you nice

So perhaps you oughta try

A little friendly advice

And be a CREW SLUT

Hey, you'll love it

Be a CREW SLUT

It's a way of life

Be a CREW SLUT

See the world

Don't make a fuss, just get on the bus

CREW SLUT

Add water makes its own sauce

Be a CREW SLUT

So you don't forget, call before midnite tonite

The boys in the crew

Are just waiting for you

You never to get move around

You never go nowhere

I know yer prob'ly gettin' tired

Of all the guys out there

You always wondered what it's like

To go from place to place

So, darlin', take a little ride

On the mixer's face

Be a CREW SLUT

Just follow the magic footprints

Be a CREW SLUT

Hey, you'll love it!

Be a CREW SLUT

It's a way of life

I ain't gonna squash it

And you don't need to wash it!

CREW SLUT

Hey, I'll buy you a pizza

CREW SLUT

Of course I'll introduce you to Warren

The boys in the crew

Are only waiting for you



At this point, the road crew, as all road crews must from time to

time, borrow some of the big rock group's equipment and have a blues

jam session, indicating to the kneeling maidens that they are

endowed with a great deal of raw talent, as well as massive meat.

Obviously impressed with LARRY'S ability to suck so hard on his

harmonica that screeching little noises come out of it, MARY kneels

again and reaches upward in gestures of supplication, listening

intently as LARRY continues to sing...



Larry:

Well you been to Alabama, girl,

'N' Georgia too

'N' all the boys in the crew

Is bein' good to you

I know yer sayin' to yourself

'This is the way to go'

'Cause when you need a little extra

They will give you some mo'

'Cause you're the CREW SLUT



Mary:

Eh, hah ha, I'm into leather...



Larry:

That's good! A lot of the boys in the crew Love leather...



Mary:

And rubber...



Larry:

Yeh, they like rubber too...shrink-tubing

With a hair dryer...



Road Crew Chorus:

Trade your spot on the bench

For a guy with a wrench

And be a...



Mary:

Ha ha ha...



Larry:

You like that, huh?

I told you you'd love it...

It's a way of life!



Road Crew Chorus:

The guys in the crew

Have got a present for you!

Ren nah naaah

Ren nah naaah

Ren nah naaah



Mary:

A present for me?



Road Crew Chorus:

Ren nah naaah

Ren nah naaah

Ren nah naaah



Larry:

Hmmm, we got a present for you!



Road Crew Chorus:

Ren nah naaah

Ren nah naaah

Ren nah naaah



Mary:

Whaddya got?



Road Crew Chorus:

Ren nah naaah



Mary:

Whaddya gonna give me?



Road Crew Chorus:

Ren nah naaah

Ren nah naaah



Larry:

It looks just like a Telefunken U-47

You'll love it...



Mary:

With Leather?



Central Scrutinizer:

Eh errr, eh eh...This is,eh, the CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER again...

And so Mary was enticed away from Joe

By an evil barbarian with a wrench in his pocket

Lured into a life of SLEAZERY

With the entire road crew of some

Famous Rock Group

(I don't know whether it was really Toad-O or not

...I don't know... I'll check it out)

Again we see

MUSIC

Causing

BIG TROUBLE