1. I CAN’T FORGET THE NIGHT WE MET

YOU WERE SUCH A HUNK

YOU TOOK ME TO YOUR UNCLE'S CAMP

AND WE GOT REALLY DRUNK

I ASKED YOU FOR SOME FOREPLAY

YOU WENT AND GOT THE CARDS

YOU SAID LETS PLAY 15-2

THAT FOREPLAY SOUNDS TOO HARD

2. I DRAGGED YOU TO THE SAUNA

I TRIED TO PRIME YOUR PUMP

YOU PASSED OUT UPON THE BENCH

AND LAID THERE LIKE A STUMP

I BEAT YOU WITH SOME CEDAR BOUGHS

I TRIED TO GET YOU HOT

YOU GOT ALL EXCITED

AND WENT OFF LIKE A SHOT



CHORUS:

I'M MARRIED TO A COUCH DAT BURPS

AND TALKS TO THE TV

THE LAST TIME YOU TOOK ME OUT

WAS 1963

SHOULDA LISTENED TO MY MA

AND MARRIED SOME OLD FART

ONE WITH LOTS OF MONEY

AND TROUBLE WITH HIS HEART



3. I WENT TO DR. TOBIN

CAUSE I WAS GAINING WEIGHT

HE SAID I SHOULD HAVE CROSSED MY LEGS

CAUSE I WAS THREE MONTHS LATE

IT COULDN'T HAVE BEEN THOSE MAKI BOYS

FROM DOWN IN ISHPEMING

THEY DIDN'T TAKE NO CHANCES

THEY USED THOSE RUBBER THINGS



4. YOU WENT DOWN TO GREEN BAY

WITH YOUR BUDDY BOB

ALL YOU DID WAS GUZZLE BEER

AND DIDN'T FIND A JOB

I COULDN'T WAIT TILL YOU GOT HOME

YOU HAD TO MARRY ME

NOW I'M MARRIED TO A COUCH DAT BURPS

AND TALKS TO THE TV



(REPEAT CHORUS)