I am a dull and simple lad

Cannot tell water from champagne

and I have never met the Queen

And I wish I could have all he has got -

I wish I could be like David Watts

And when I lie on my pillow at night

I dream I could fight like David Watts

And lead the school team to victory

Take my exams and pass the lot



He is the head boy at the school

He is the captain of the team

His is so gay and fancy free

And I wish I could have all the money he's got

I wish I could be like David Watts



And all the girls in the neighbourhood

Try to go out with David Watts

The try their best but can't succeed

For he is of pure and noble creed