When I was a young man

I didn't like to dance

I was shy

I'd stand against the wall all night

I'd never take a chance

So afraid

I wouldn't get on that dance floor

Unless I was really drunk

10 shots



But I found a place where the stars hang out

And they taught me how to funk

Real nasty

It ain't too far away

It's just on the edge of town

Nearby

But be ready when you get there

'Cause these folks don't fuck around



You can

Rub your belly with Liza Minelli

Covered in jelly, you're gonna rub your belly

Jiggle your droopy balls with singin' Lou Rawis

Bounce off the walls, then jiggle them droopy balls

Grind your hips with the blond guy from CHIPS

Lick your lips

Stroke it clean with Martin Sheen

It's fucking obscense

Clench your ass-cheeks tight with sexy grandma Betty White

You'll see the light when your sphincter's tight



If you don't know how to move

Just feel the groove

And dance

Like you just shit your pants



Spin like a little girl

With cross-dressing Milton Berle

Just give it a whirl, pretend you're a little girl

Wave that juicy weeno with legendary Al Pacino

Wave your weeno, even more obsceno

Knock back a drink with Colonel Klink

Piss in the sink

Bounce your beef with Omar Sharif

What a relief

Ring the disco bell with ice cream wizard Tommy Carvel

Tommy Carvel gonna make your dink swell



Then spew all over the room

With Mr. Jeffry Goldblum

And dance

Like you just shit your pants



Mr. Belvedere

Fatty Fatty

Finger in his own rear

Bernard King

Basketball, basketball

Showing off his ding-a-ling

Swimming Mark Spitz-acapo