Dear Abby,

Got a problem. I'm a decent, underpaid, hardworking county coroner. It's

important that my family eat meat at least three times a week. But we just

can't afford to with the prices the way they are. so I bring home some

choice cuts from my autopsy subjects. Just mix in the Tuna Helper...and

ta-da!



The whole family thinks my new meals are delicious. They ask me what's

my secret. Abby, I think they're getting suspicious. My smart-ass

8-year-old keeps asking, "Where's all the meat? The red dye #2 kind that's

kept in the fridge."



If they find out the truth I don't think they'll understand. Abby, what

do I tell my family?



DEAR REAGANOMICS VICTIM: Consult your clergyman. Make sure the body's

blessed and everything should be just fine.

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