The Doctor's Lament



The portions of a woman that appeal to Man's depravity

Are fashioned with considerable care;

And what at first appears to be a common little cavity

Is really an elaborate affair.

Now doctors of distinction have examined these phenomena

In numbers of experimental dames

And given to these ornaments of feminine abdomena

A number of delightful Latin names:

There's the vulva, the vagina and the jolly perineum

And the hymen in the case of certain brides;

And there's lots of other gadgets you'd just love if you could see'em

The clitoris and Christ knows what besides

Now isn't it a pity that when common people chatter

Of the mysteries to which I have referred

That they give to this so vital and so elegant a matter

Such a very short and unattractive word.



The Layman's Reply



The eminent authorities who study the geography

Of this obscure but interesting land

Are able to indulge a taste for feminine topography

And view the graphic details close at hand.

We ordinary people, though aware of the existence

Of complexities beyond the public knowle

Are usually content to view the details from a distance

And treat them, roughly speaking, as a whole.

Moreover when we laymen probe the depths of femininity

We exercise a simpler form of touch

And do not cloud the issue with superfluous minutia

But call the whole concern a such-and-such.

For men have made this useful but inelegant commodity

The subject of innumerable jibes

And while the name they call it by is something of an oddity

It seems to fit the object it describes.



The Woman's Retort

You erudite philosophers are really rather comical

Despite your pseudoscientific facts,

For all your heated arguments on matters anatomical

Have very little bearing on your acts.

You may agree to differ and make learned dissertations

On the relative importance of a name,

But we women find that when it comes to intimate relations

You reactions are essentially the same.

Moreover when you analyze, in phrases too meticulous

Our relatively simple little vent

You overlook the verbiage, so rude and so ridiculous

Which designates the gadgets of a gent.

But then perhaps it's 'cause you find the emblems of virility

So very, very difficult to hide,

That your jealousy induces you to scoff at our ability

To tuck away our privacies inside.



@medicine @sex

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