Frank Zappa (lead guitar, vocals)

Warren Cucurullo (rhythm guitar, vocals)

Denny Walley (slide guitar, vocals)

Ike Willis (lead vocals)

Peter Wolf (keyboards)

Arthur Barrow (bass, vocals)

Ed Mann (percussion)

Vinnie Colaiuta (drums)



Central Scrutinizer:

Hello there...this is the CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER... Joe was sent to a special prison where they keep all the other criminals from the music business...you know...the ones who get caught...it's a horrible place, painted all green on the inside, where musicians and former executives take turns snorting detergent and plooking each other...



(As the CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER chuckles to himself for a moment, FATHER RILEY, who became BUDDY JONES, steps into view in his new identity: FATHER RILEY B. JONES, Prison Chaplain, who, in a rather heavy-handed piece of imagery, is now entrusted with the job of singing this song as he assists the captured executives in their quest for new meat to plook, and, once having found these victims for the princes of the industry, trades them little blobs of sanctified lubricant jelly for cigarettes and candy bars while he holds them down so the execs won't have to work too hard when they stick it in.)



...Anyway, listen, while he's in there he meets this guy who used to be a promo man for a major record company, named Bald-Headed John... King of the Plookers...



Father Riley B. Jones:

This is the story 'bout

Bald-Headed John



Former Execs:

Dong work for Yuda,

Dong, Dong



Father Riley B. Jones:

He talks a lot 'n' it's

usually wrong



Former Execs:

Dong work for Yuda,

Dong, Dong



Father Riley B. Jones:

He said Dong

was Wong,

'N Wong was Kong

'N Dong work for

Yuda,

'N John was wrong



Former Execs:

Sorry John

Sorry better

Try it again

Dong work for Yuda

Dong, Dong

Sorry John

Sorry better

Try it again

He said Dong

was Wong

And Wong was Kong

And Dong was Gong

'N John was wrong



Father Riley B. Jones:

John's got a sausage

Yeh man

John's got a sausage

Yeh man

John's got a sausage

that'll make you fart

John's got a sausage

that'll break

your heart

Make you fart

And break your heart

Don't bend over

if you are smart

He took a little walk

to the weenie stand

John's got a sausage

Yeh man

A great big weenie

in both his hands

John's got a sausage

Yeh man

He sucked on the end

'til the mustard squirt

He said, "Ya'll stand

back 'cause you

might get hurt"



Former Execs:

Sorry John

Sorry better

Try it again

John's got a sausage

Yeh man



Sorry John

Sorry better

Try it again

He said Dong

was Wong

Wong was Kong

Kong was Gong

'N John was wrong



Sorry John

Sorry better

Try it again



Bald-Headed John:

Make way for the

iron shaschige



Former Execs:

Sorry John

Sorry better

Try it again



Bald-Headed John:

I need a dozen towels

so the boys can take

a shower



Former Execs:

Sorry John

Sorry better

Try it again



Bald-Headed John:

Bartender, bring me

a colada and milk



Former Execs:

Sorry John

Sorry better

Try it again



Bald-Headed John:

Well, on second thought,

make that a water...

HtO



Former Execs:

Sorry John

Sorry better

Try it again



Bald-Headed John:

Falcum...

Take me to the falcum!



Former Execs:

Sorry John

Sorry better

Try it again



Bald-Headed John:

I wave my bags

Did you wave your'n



Former Execs:

Sorry John

Sorry better

Try it again



Bald-Headed John:

Well how much

did they wave?



Former Execs:

Sorry John

Sorry better

Try it again



Bald-Headed John:

Ah'm almost two

kilometers tall



Former Execs:

Sorry John

Sorry better

Try it again



Bald-Headed John:

This girl must be

praketing richcraft



Former Execs:

Sorry John

Sorry better

Try it again



Bald-Headed John:

Don't worry about

the faggot

I'll take care of

the faggot



Former Execs:

Sorry John

Sorry better

Try it again



Try it again,

Try it again

Try, try, try again...

etc., etc., etc.



Bald-Headed John:

Your Pomona is

very extinct...

Yeah, I studied with

the Dong of Tokyo

'N also with the

oriental Kato...

My body contain

uh water

I just loves the way

these Copenhagens

talks!

Driver, McDoodle...

Sausage

Salima

Salami

That looks like that

stuff that Freckles

lets out

Once a mumfth...