I saw a little kid
As he walked around
He picked a candy bar up
Off the ground
He chowed about a half
Then his face turned blue
Turned out that candy bar was doggy-doo
Don't pick it up I say
Unless you can throw it away
Don't pick it up I say
You're gonna be bummed that you went that way

You're out there makin' bacon
No scrutiny
You mess around too much
And you got VD
You know you never think
And you're sore today
You're gonna take it back to California
Don't pick it up I say
Unless you can throw it away
Don't pick it up I say
You're gonna be bummed that you went that way

My friend was kinda hurtin'
For a girl to try
He saw one that looked like Pat
On Saturday Night Live
It had a pair of thingies
But a mustache too
Not clearly male nor female
So now what to do
Don't pick it up I say
Unless you can throw it away
Don't pick it up I say
You're gonna be bummed that you went that way