[a short skit opens the beginning of the song]

Hello, I'm Dr. Greenthumb

Have you ever had the problem of running out of
weed

and just can't find some anywhere?

Well try my Dr. Greenthumb grow tips

I'll show you how to grow inside and out

From seed to clone, and the best homegrown

And if you're afraid of those pesky pork choppers
in the sky

No worries, we'll fix them too

with one of our Dr. Greenthumb 'Sizzlean' screens

to block the nosy pig's vision

Don't believe me?

Just ask one of my many satisfied clients here
Jed Sanders

how well it works

Hyuh, hyuh, hello mah name is Jaid

And ahm a farmer and I've been growin

mary-jah-wana fer about twenty years and uhh

uhh, with Dr. Greenthumb's 'Sizzlean' screen

I don't hafta point my shotgun

at them pesky porkers no more

Thanks Dr. Green, you're tha shit

Yes, Dr. Greenthumb's got it all, I guarantee it

Try my book and you'll have the chronic in no
time

*lighter flicks* Dial 1-800-713-GROW

*inhaling noise* That's 1-800 *cough cough*
*inhale*

*lighter flicks* 713 *cough cough*

G *inhale* R *inhale* O-W

Hello Dr. Greenthumb, paging Dr. Greenthumb!

[B-Real]

Hello my name is Dr. Greenthumb

I'd like to tell you just where I'm from

In the hills where the trees grow wild with weed
fields

The fucking pigs with shields holding the blue
steels

Greenhouse effect with the weed connect

(Doctor) DEA can't keep Greenthumb in check
(Doctor!)

HPS, God Bless the whole crop

Please God, don't let me see no cops

Trunkload, ready to hit the highway

Don't let the eye in the sky fly my way

or we gonna have big trouble, that's no shit

Can't be growin without no permit

but fuck that, I study the 215 trip

That way when they come they can suck my dick

Weed can't grow without attention

Hello my name is Dr. Greenthumb

Chorus:

[B-Real] Hello my name is Dr. Greenthumb

[SenDog] Hello my name is Dr. Greenthumb!

[B-Real] I'd like to tell you just where I'm from

[SenDog] Hello my name is Dr. Greenthumb

[B-Real] Hello my name is Dr. Greenthumb

[SenDog] Hello my name is Dr. Greenthumb!

[B-Real] I'd like to tell you just where I'm from

[SenDog] Aiyyo Dr. Greenthumb, come on back one
time!

[B-Real]

People can't live without the herb man

If not they'd be drinkin and drivin and swervin

but thanks to Dr. Greenthumb weed grow

in the backyard or inside with hydro

To the cush plant brushin a tangerine dream

Tasty, blowin a fuckin smokescreen

Cycles of weed are constantly grown

Somebody give me the razor to cut groves

I'd like to stop, but it feels so good

Horny plants stinkin up my whole neighborhood

Sticky angel, I wanna leave it alone

but never ever ever gotta worry from my home

What that funny sound knockin at the door (Open
up it's the DEA!)

Sorry Greenthumb can't talk no more

Please don't follow me into the sun

Hello my name is Dr. Greenthumb

Chorus 1/2

[B-Real]

Out from the lab, no need for rehab

If I can't drive then call me a cab (ese!)

In my closet the weed is dried out

Like Eiht said, ain't no place to hide out

I don't wanna buy no weed from no cop

Get knocked up and they close up my shop

That's why I buy no weed from no one

That's why they call me Dr. Greenthumb

The scientifical, mystical one

Growin my crops with the rays of the sun

Come one come all and see how it's done

If you see the pigs there's no need to run

Cause some of these pigs are down with Greenthumb

But you never know what be the outcome

You see the photo in the album

The weed is growin like my erection

Look I never told you where I was from

Some call me Real, but I'm Dr. Greenthumb

Chorus

Dr. Greenthumb

Doctor, your Bulova plant needs special tending
to

Doctor, we need more oxygen we need more CO2

Doctor, Dr. Greenthumb you're needed

Doctor, dahyahahahhh... Doctor