Sometimes when you're not looking he just sneaks up on you. He looks

like a cheap sort of flying saucer about five feet across with a

snout-like megaphone apparatus in the front with two big eyes

mounted like Appletons with miniature motorized frowning chrome

eyebrows over them. Along the side of his disc-like body are several

sets of stupid-looking headers and exhaust hoses which apparently

propel him and punctuate his dialogue with horrible smelling smoke

rings. In the middle of his head we can see an airport wind sock and

constantly twirling anemometer. The bottom of him has a landing

light and three spoked wheels. In spite of all this, it is obvious

that the way he really gets around is by being dangled from place to

place by a union guy with a dark green shirt up in the roof who is

eating a sandwich (pieces of which drop off every once in a while

and lodge themselves near the hole where they put the oil in that

makes the cheap smoke).



He hovers into view and speaks to us thusly...



Central Scrutinizer:

This is the CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER...it is my responsibility to enforce

all the laws that haven't been passed yet. It is also my

responsibility to alert each and every one of you to the potential

consequences of various ordinary everyday activities you might be

performing which could eventually lead to *The Death Penalty* (or

affect your parents' credit rating). Our criminal institutions are

full of little creeps like you who do wrong things...and many of

them were driven to these crimes by a horrible force called MUSIC!



Our studies have shown that this horrible force is so dangerous to

society at large that laws are being drawn up at this very moment to

stop it forever! Cruel and inhuman punishments are being carefully

described in tiny paragraphs so they won't conflict with the

Constitution (which, itself, is being modified in order to

accommodate THE FUTURE).



I bring you now a special presentation to show what can happen to

you if you choose a career in MUSIC...The WHITE ZONE is for loading

and unloading only...if you have to load or unload, go to the WHITE

ZONE... you'll love it...it's a way of life...Ha, ha, ha, ha,

ha...Hi, it's me, I'm back. This is the CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER...The

WHITE ZONE is for loading and unloading only...If yah gotta load,

or if yah gotta unload, go to the WHITE ZONE. You'll love it...it's

a way of life. That's right, you'll love it, it's a way of life,

that's right, you'll love it, it's a way of life, you'll love it.

This, is, the CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER