The background:

Someone (No names, children!) walked in on his roommate and caught

him masturbating. Consequently, he broke the "sinner"s arm.



The question:

Whoever said that masturbation is sinful, anyway?



The answer: "Every Sperm Is Sacred", Lyrics by Michael Palin and Terry Jones.



There are Jews in the world, there are Buddists,

There are Hindus and Mormons and then

There are those that follow Mohammad, but

I've never been one of them.



I'm a Roman Catholic,

And have been since before I was born,

And the one thing they say about Catholics is

They'll take you as soon as you're warm.



You don't have to be a six footer,

You don't have to have a great brain,

You don't have to have any clothes on,

You're a Catholic the moment Dad came, because



Every sperm is sacred,

Every sperm is great,

If a sperm is wasted,

God gets quite irate.



Every sperm is sacred,

Every sperm is great,

If a sperm is wasted,

God gets quite irate.



Let the heathen spill theirs,

On the dusty ground,

God shall make them pay for

Each sperm that can't be found.



Every sperm is wanted,

Every sperm is good,

Every sperm is needed,

In your neighborhood.



Hindu, Taoist, Morman,

Spill theirs just anywhere,

But God loves those who treat their

Semen with more care.



Every sperm is sacred,

Every sperm is great,

If a sperm is wasted,

God gets quite irate.



Every sperm is sacred,

Every sperm is good,

Every sperm is needed,

In your neighborhood.



Every sperm is useful,

Every sperm is fine,

God needs everybody's,

Mine, and mine, and mine.



Let the pagans spill theirs,

O'er mountain, hill and plain.

God shall strike them down for

Each sperm that's spilt in vain.



Every sperm is sacred,

Every sperm is good,

Every sperm is needed,

In your neighborhood.



Every sperm is sacred,

Every sperm is great,

If a sperm is wasted,

God gets quite irate.