(copyright Steven Cavanagh 1993-2002)



He like to think that he's a Jedi

He dresses like Darth Maul

hyperspace lines on his window

He's got no life at all

He likes to sit and draw X-Wings all day,

got the pictures on the wall

His friends and family pray that it's just a fad

just a fad..





He like to think that he's a Jedi

He dresses like Darth Maul

hyperspace lines on his window

He's got no life at all

He likes to sit and draw X-Wings all day,

got the pictures on the wall

His friends and family pray that it's just a fad

just a fad..





Dear George, I finally got to writing you a letter

Tellin you how bad I wanna chance to be an extra

Shooting in Australia's much better, cause now I betcha

I can get a little part in it. I'm glad it's coming together,

so come on down under, you flannelette jet setter.

so anyways, man, E'chuta, how's it all going?

It seems like ages until your next movie's showing

I'm practicing, too- guess what I'm doing?

I'm marching like a stormtrooper

I freeze-framed it all on my computer, and I'm a terrible shooter

I've been bumping my head on stuff too, I'm good at that.

I know you probably hear this everyday, but I'm your biggest fan

I can even watch the holiday special without running for the can

I hate Jar Jar though, what the hell was that all about, man?

Maybe to make us forget the Ewoks, too, that stuff was crap

Anyways, I hope you get this man, email back,

just to chat, truly yours, your biggest fan

You're the man





He like to think that he's a Jedi

He dresses like Darth Maul

hyperspace lines on his window

He's got no life at all

He likes to sit and draw X-Wings all day,

got the pictures on the wall

His friends and family pray that it's just a fad

just a fad..





Dear George, You've finished all the shooting now, and you still ain't picked me

What the hell's wrong with you, man? I even live in Sydney!

It's not like I also wanna be an action figure

or the main feature. I don't even wanna go to Tunisia!

Just wanna be up the back somewhere walkin' past

or wearing an alien mask like those guys

who always faint, but I'd last.

That just sucks man, look, I'm even saying please

cause those people can't even spell wookiee with two e's

Who are these? Man, do they even speak Huttese?

I remember with episode one, the papers said he's

angry about extras in England that ripped off stuff

I'm angry too, George, but I think you knew that.

With such a great privalege, how the hell could those guys do that?

I'd never do that to you, cause you know I respect you

but I can't fight that war for you, or even protect you

from that kinda stuff. I try to tell others to have some integrity

or you'll cut off the fans cause you'll think that we're the enemy.

I got an acting agent, had to pay a lot for the fees

but it's gonna be worth it, this will be a dream come true for me

We all wish it was real, and it looks it the way you tell it

cause I was a kid and it changed my life back in 77

And nobody collects the stuff like I do George, no one does

My parents gave you lotsa money when I was growing up

You gotta call me man, I'm here for the reshoots

Sincerely yours, man. PS:

I got my own Jedi robe too





He like to think that he's a Jedi

He dresses like Darth Maul

hyperspace lines on his window

He's got no life at all

He likes to sit and draw X-Wings all day,

got the pictures on the wall

His friends and family pray that it's just a fad

just a fad..





Dear mister don't-send-applications-go-through-an-agent

I just read where you got most of your extras!

I blew a hundred and forty bucks for nothing - I don't deserve it

But you hired all the other dirty mothers who wrote in,

that's just perfect!

So this is my cassette I'm sending you, I hope you hear it

cause I went to see Fox studios and couldn't get near it

Hey George, I got an idea for a new fan film

See this Sith and this Jedi fight with their lightsabers in a forest

and the Jedi wins. Wadday think, It's a cool concept and I'm pretty sure

it won't be a bore, cause nobody's done stuff like that before

now. If you like that idea then I've got a web page with a lot more

but you'll have to find it yourself cause this is my final call.

And all I wanted was a lousy quarter second on screen

just to get into that universe and put myself into the dream

I love those movies George, I wonder if you think about it

Cause you made it, have you felt the wonder and the dream about it

and your silence makes me think you're being so MEAN about it

and when I email I get nothing on the SCREEN about it!

See George- (hysterical scream) HEY, SHUT UP! I'm tryin' to talk!

Hey George, that's my girlfriend. She's watching Howard the Duck

and she can't reach the remote! See George, I really liked you

but now I've got no chance at all of being a part of Episode 2

Well, gotta go, I couldn't find a REAL carbon freeze

So I had to fill up my bathtub with gallons of melted cheese!



(squelch) (burble burble)

(burble)

(blup)





He like to think that he's a Jedi

He dresses like Darth Maul

hyperspace lines on his window

He's got no life at all

He likes to sit and draw X-Wings all day,

got the pictures on the wall

His friends and family pray that it's just a fad

just a fad..





Dear Sir or Madam: thank you for your interest

and the amateur productions that you constantly submit us

Unfortunately, our policy says we cannot accept

unsolicited submissions,

so they're not reviewed or kept

We're not sure what you mean when you say we "dissed you"

You seem to think your work is such that we can't resist you

but your legal standing has a hole that Jabba could fit through,

so if you persist in this

we'll have to "cease and desist" you

It's not as though we need the fans to give us creative input

look at the Qui-Gon Jinn-ger snaps in the Darth Maul cookbook

and don't suggest that we both could make some money

because we've seen your work and frankly, it isn't all that funny.

We would, however, like you to have one of our web sites,

as long as you don't read the fine print about who owns the copyrights.

We don't need you, with your concepts, your costumes and your scripts,

artwork, fan fiction, comics and whatever this 'filk' is

we don't want to appear as a killjoy, please try and understand

there's nothing we want to ban, we really do want you as a fan.

But to work our magic, we really need to be left alone

in the ivory tower to talk to the man on the throne

We're now in post-production, and our time is totally committed

which is what YOU SHOULD BE, and GET YOURSELF A STRAIGHTJACKET FITTED!

So be reasonable now. Come on, think about it please.

We're professionals- we don't take fanboy cheese!