These are the tales the freaky tales...

The tales that I tell so well...



I met this girl her name was Joan

She loved the way I rocked the microphone

When I met Joan I took her home

She was just like a doggy all on my bone

I met another girl her name was Ann

All she wanted was to freak with a man

When I met Ann I soked her pans

We ended up freakin' by garbage can

The next young freak I met was Red

I took her to the house and she gave me head

She likes to freak was all she said

We jumped in the sheets and we broke my bed

There's another girl, her name is Mary

Talked about sex and the girl acted scary

I heard she was freakin' for my homeboy Jerry

Took her to the house and I popped that cherry

Young and tender, sweet Denise

Get her in the bed and the girl's a beast

I tell you, homeboy, If you get a piece

She only talks about signin' a lease

I met this tender, her name was Lori

And a X-rated movie wouldn't tell her story

She had a twinsister, her name was Lisa

And just like Lori, she's a real dick pleaser

My girlfriend's name was Michelle, I freaked her well

Her pussy got hotter than flames in hell

I geed this girl, her name was Tammy

I didn't wanna do it cause the bitch was flammy

She had a best friend, her name was Jane

I pulled to the side and I spitted that game

I met a lot of freaks in my lifespine

Freaked one night with a girl named Pam

The very next day I saw her with her man

One week passed and I was in her again

I had an old tender, her name was Janie

She was thirty-two and I was only eighteen

She likes to freak, she's just a fiend

It really didn't matter when I saw her in jeans

I wanna big freak, fat and slobby

I kick on back and I watch her mouth

Two tons of fun, big mama jama

A country-girl from Alabama

I met this girl, her name was Betty

Her pussy got wet and it smelled like death

I was tired as hell, I was drippin' sweat

But I was all up in her tryin' to hold my breath

Bake and shake us, I met this freak in Vegas

She said her name was Donna

She was a pitty little freak from China

I said I don't pimp or gigolo

I'm havin' so much money that I don't need a hoe

You can break yourself but you can't break me

You never met a player like $hort, baby

I knew a dick sucker named Betty-Jo

Took her to my home and we did it on the floor

The girl got freaky and I tell you more:

She was down on her knees beggin' to blow

She's like another freak named Ren'

You get her alone and she'll make your day

Like Burger King, she knows the play

But a freak like Ren', you can have it your way...



These are the tales, the freaky tales...

These are the tales that I tell so well...



I met this girl, thick as hell

Only sixteen, said her name was Linell

I took her to my house, I could not wait

Her shit was much tighter than Central Safe

Let me tell you this since we talkin' young

I met another girl, said her name was Yvonne

Always talkin' about havin' fun

Once again in the bed I got it goin' on

I'm Sir Too $hort, couldn't be no punk

I try to get funky like female funk

So when you see me comin' or see me goin'

I keep my money, let the hoes keep throwin'

I once met a tender, she did it for free

On the Foothill bust number forty-three

All the way on the back she was workin' me

Had my big beatbox and I was jammin' the beat

I met this freak named aunt Winell

Macked on the baby like an ice-cold vet

Everythin' she had is what I get

Cause I'm Too $hort, baby, I don't play that shit

I met another freak, her name was Rita

Baby thought that $hort just might eat her

I told her like this, she can suck my peter

Or even go home cause I knew I didn't need her

Scratched her name off my telephone book

Never again I took a second look

Cause the next young freak, her name was Sharon

She kept lookin', well, I kept stairin'

Her booty was stuffed in the jeans she was wearin'

She never left, she cutted out

I know you all know what I'm talkin' about

There's a freak named Shane, such a sinner

She smokes that pipe and she's gettin' thinner

Shane is cool but her mind is gone

One fat rock and it's goin' on

She had another buddy, came by my place

Thick ass bitch, said her name was Grace

She walked in the door wearin' a lace

You shoulda seen that look that was on my face

She's like this tender named Belinda

Homeboys call her Belinda the Blender

She gave head like she made it up

She was twenty years old with a big round butt

Had a girl slick like olive oil

Her father was rich and the girl was spoiled

When she got mad he blood would boil

But I rapped her off like I'm lookin' a toy...



These are the tales, the freaky tales...

The tales that I tell so well...



Shockedy life, Friday night, it's goin' on Too $hort

Three weeks ago I met this freak

She followed me around like Mary's sheep

I hitted around the corner and when she came

I grabbed her by the arm and I asked her name

She said it was Nina and her man's in Santa Rita

I took her to my home and homeboy, I geed her

Set her on the way the very next way

Playboy $hort was ready to play

I bumped to this girl, her name was Roseanne

We hitted the motel and got it goin' on

Holiday Inn to the break of dawn

When I took baby home, I freaked her mom

I knew this tender named Shanie

I took her to the house and let her freak on me

Baby was a fan, she loved my beat

But I wouldn't raise my leg to let her kiss my feet

I met this freak named Yolanda

Rolled baby doll like a brand new Honda

I was on top and she was up under

The bed hitted the wall and it sounded like thunder

I once had a datewith girl named Kitty

She was so fine with big fat tiddies

All night long she was actin' shitty

So i macked on baby like I was Frank Nitti

There's another girl, her name is Rose

I use to roll baby like brand new Volvos

I never saw Rose wearin' clothes

She's a pimp house pet, ready to pose

I was ridin' down the street when I met Janet

Her booty was bigger than the whole damn planet

Ass everywhere, I just can't stand it

Tried to poem it but I could not manage

I had this freak, her name was Bunny

Said I was the only man who ever called her honey

Everythin' I did to her was funny

I macked on bunny and I took her money

Eight tonight a date with Shirlie

She was really short and her hair was curly

If you saw baby you liked this girlie

She was so fine I went to get her early

Shirlie was freakin' like a girl named Rachel

Her bite was vicious and it sure was fatal

She liked to kiss all on my neval

Those are her lips on top of my label

I knew another freak, her name was Candy

Real big lips and they came in handy

I smooth got worked and it was so dandy

I hooked the brood up with my homeboy Randy

He did me a favor in return

Gave me a lizard, said her name was Laverne

Baby got tossed and I got it on

I grabbed the mic and started to sing my song

My young homeboy heard me rap

And said he had way more freaks than that

So I told him like this: they might be freakin'

But, boy, you never had that T-P-Treatment