Gaston:

Who does she think she is? That girl has tangled with the wrong man! No one says "no" to Gaston!

LeFou:

Heh heh. Darn right.

Gaston:

Dismissed! Rejected! Publicly Humiliated! Why, it's more than I can bear.

LeFou:

More beer?

Gaston:

What for? Nothing helps. I'm disgraced.

LeFou:

Who, you? Never! Gaston, you've got to pull yourself together.







LeFou:

Gosh it disturbs me to see you, Gaston

Looking so down in the dumps

Every guy here'd love to be you, Gaston

Even when taking your lumps

There's no man in town as admired as you

You're ev'ryone's favorite guy

Ev'ryone's awed and inspired by you

And it's not very hard to see why

No one's slick as Gaston

No one's quick as Gaston

No one's neck's as incredibly thick as Gaston's

For there's no man in town half as manly

Perfect, a pure paragon!

You can ask any Tom, Dick or Stanley

And they'll tell you whose team they prefer to be on





LeFou and Chorus:

No one's been like Gaston

A king pin like Gaston



LeFou:

No one's got a swell cleft in his chin like Gaston



Gaston:

As a specimen, yes, I'm intimidating!



LeFou and Chorus:

My what a guy, that Gaston!

Give five "hurrahs!"

Give twelve "hip-hips!"





LeFou:

Gaston is the best

And the rest is all drips



Chorus:

No one fights like Gaston

Douses lights like Gaston



Beerdrinker 1:

In a wrestling match nobody bites like Gaston!



Bimbettes:

For there's no one as burly and brawny



Gaston:

As you see I've got biceps to spare



LeFou:

Not a bit of him's scraggly or scrawny



Gaston:

That's right!

And ev'ry last inch of me's covered with hair



Cronies:

No one hits like Gaston



Townsman:

Matches wits like Gaston



LeFou:

In a spitting match nobody spits like Gaston



Gaston:

I'm especially good at expectorating!

Ptoooie!



Cronies:

Ten points for Gaston!

Gaston:

When I was a lad I ate four dozen eggs

Ev'ry morning to help me get large

And now that I'm grown I eat five dozen eggs

So I'm roughly the size of a barge!



Cronies:

No one shoots like Gaston

Makes those beauts like Gaston



LeFou:

Then goes tromping around wearing boots like Gaston



Gaston:

I use antlers in all of my decorating!



Cronies:

Say it again

Who's a man among men?

And then say it once more

Who's the hero next door?

Who's a super success?

Don't you know? Can't you guess?

Ask his fans and his five hangers-on

There's just one guy in town who's got all of it down



LeFou:

And his name's G-A-S...T -

G-A-S-T - E -

G-A-S-T-O - oh!

Cronies:

Gaston