Gaston: Richard White

Lefou: Jesse Corti

CHORUS



GASTON: Who does she think she is?!

That girl has tangled with the wrong man!

No one says "no" to Gaston!

LEFOU: Darn right!

GASTON: Dismissed! Rejected! Publically humiliated!

Why, it's more than I can bear.

LEFOU: More beer?

GASTON: What for? Nothing helps. I'm disgraced.

LEFOU: Who you? Never! Gaston, you've got to pull

yourself together!



LEFOU

Gosh, it disturbs me to see you Gaston,

Looking so down in the dumps.

Ev'ry guy here'd love to be you, Gaston,

even when taking your lumps.

There's no man in town as admired as you,

You're everyone's favorite guy.

Everyone's awed and inspired by you,

and it's not very hard to see why!



No one's slick as Gaston,

no one's quick as Gaston,

no one's neck's as incredibly thick as Gaston's.

For there's no man in town half as manly,

Perfect, a pure paragon!

You can ask any Tom, Dick, or Stanley,

and they'll tell you whose team they prefer to be on.



LEFOU and BEERDRINKERS

No one's been like Gaston,

a kingpin like Gaston,

No one's got a swell cleft in his chin like Gaston.



GASTON

As a specimen, yes, I'm intimidating!



LEFOU and BEERDRINKERS

My, what a guy, that Gaston!



Give five "hurrahs!"

Give twelve "hip hips!"

Gaston is the best and the rest is all drips.



No one fights like Gaston,

Douses lights like Gaston,



BEERDRINKER 1

In a wrestling match nobody bites like Gaston.



THREE BLONDES

For there's no one as burly and brawny.



GASTON

As you see I've got biceps to spare.



LEFOU

Not a bit of him scraggly or scrawny,



GASTON

That's right!

And every last inch of me's covered with hair.



BEERDRINKERS

No one hits like Gaston,



OTHER BEERDRINKERS

Matches wits like Gaston,



LEFOU

In a spitting match nobody spits like Gaston.



GASTON

I'm especially good at expectorating!

Ptoooie!



ALL

Ten points for Gaston!



GASTON

When I was a lad I ate four dozen eggs

every morning to help me get large.

And now that I'm grown I eat five dozen eggs

so I'm roughly the size of a barge!



ALL

No one shoots like Gaston,

Makes those beauts like Gaston.



LEFOU

Then goes tromping around wearing boots like Gaston.



GASTON

I use antlers in all of my decorating!



GROUP of BEERDRINKERS

Say it again!



ANOTHER GROUP of BEERDRINKERS

Who's a man among men



FIRST GROUP

And let's say it once more.



SECOND GROUP

Who's that hero next door?



ALL

Who's a super success?

Don't you know?

Can't you guess?

Ask his fans and his five hangers-on.

There's just one guy in town,

Who's got all of it down!



LEFOU

And his name's

G-A-S-...T...

G-A-S-T-E...

G-A-S-T-O...

Oh!



ALL

Gaston