TIGER, IMITATING KRUPKE

Hey you!



RIFF

Who me, Officer Krupke?



TIGER, IMITATING KRUPKE

Yeah you, gimme one good reason for not draggin' ya down the station house, ya punk!



RIFF

Dear kindly Sergeant Krupke

You gotta understand

It's just our bringin' upke

That gets us out of hand

Our mothers all are junkies

Our fathers all are drunks

Golly Moses, naturally we're punks



JETS

Gee, Officer Krupke

We're very upset

We never had the love

That every child oughta get

We ain't no delinquents

We're misunderstood

Deep down inside us there is good



RIFF

There is good!



JETS

There is good, there is good

There is untapped good

Like inside, the worst of us is good



TIGER, IMITATING KRUPKE

That's a touching good story



RIFF

Lemme tell it to the world!



TIGER, IMITATING KRUPKE

Just tell it to the judge



RIFF

Dear kindly Judge, your Honor

My parents treat me rough

With all their marijuana

They won't give me a puff

They didn't wanna have me

But somehow I was had

Leapin' lizards, that's why I'm so bad



SNOWBOY IMITATING JUDGE

Right! Officer Krupke

You're really a square

This boy don't need a judge

He needs an analyst's care

It's just his neurosis

That oughta be curbed

He's psychologically disturbed



RIFF

I'm disturbed



JETS

We're disturbed, we're disturbed

We're the most disturbed

Like we're psychologically disturbed



SNOWBOY IMITATING JUDGE

Hear ye, hear ye. In the opinion of this court, this child is depraved on account he ain't had a normal home.



RIFF

Hey, I'm depraved on account I'm deprived!



SNOWBOY IMITATING JUDGE

So take him to a headshrinker. You!



ACTION

Who me?



RIFF

My daddy beats my mommy

My mommy clobbers me

My grandpa is a commie

My grandma pushes tea

My sisters wears a moustache

My brother wears a dress

Goodness gracious, that's why I'm a mess



ACTION IMITATING HEADSHRINKER

Yes, Officer Krupke

He shouldn't be here

This boy don't need a couch

He needs a usefully career

Society's played him a terrible trick

And sociologically he's sick



RIFF

I am sick!



JETS

We are sick, we are sick

We are sick sick sick

Like we're sociologically sick



ACTION IMITATING HEADSHRINKER

In my opinion, this child does not need to have his head shrunk at all. Juvenile delinquency is purely a social disease.



RIFF

Hey, I got a social disease!



ACTION IMITATING HEADSHRINKER

So take him to a social worker



RIFF

Dear kindly social worker

They tell me get a job

Like be a soda jerker

Which means I'd be a slob

It's not I'm antisocial

I'm only anti-work

Glory Osky, that's why I'm a jerk



A-RAB

Eek, Officer Krupke

You've done it again

This boy don't need a job

He needs a year in the pen

It ain't just a question of misunderstood

Deep down inside he's no good



RIFF

I'm no good



JETS

We're no good, we're no good

We're no earthly good

Like the best of us is no damn good



The trouble is he's lazy

The trouble is he drinks

The trouble is he's crazy

The trouble is he stinks

The trouble is he's growing

The trouble is he's grown

Krupke, we've got troubles of our own



Officer Krupke

We're down on our knees



RIFF

'Cause no one wants a fella

With a social disease



JETS

Dear Officer Krupke

What are we to do?

Gee, Officer Krupke

Krup you!