(Hank Card)

We'd like to set the record straight by singing of the newt

For newts are open-minded; they are flexible and cute

A newt can breathe in water and a newt can breathe on land

And if you are a different critter newts will understand

Newts are not mean-spirited; they never are unfair

Newts are not underhanded and are not afraid to share

Newts do not have bad haircuts because newts are lacking hair

But the newt called Gingrich drives all true newts to despair

Gingrich the Newt's a disgrace to the name

When true newts see him they feel so ashamed

He's the black sheep of the newt family

The one rotten fruit on the newt family tree

Newts don't prey on other newts; in that they don't believe

And you will never catch a newt with something up his sleeve

They're tolerant to different environments and so

They don't sen little newties to the orphanage to grow

What kind of newt wears a suit and a tie

And frightens small children as he rushes by?

But we admit that his suit suits him good

Much more discreet than a sheet and a hood

A newt may be cold-blooded but he won't go to extremes

And you can trust a newt to be exactly what he seems

Newts are sorry if you're sad; they're happy if you're gay

But Gingrich is perverse, and worse

He's proud to be that way

Gingrich the Newt is puffed up like a toad

So full of himself that he's bound to explode

And then we'll raise up our tails in salute

A fitting tribute

To that horse's patoot

Gingrich the Newt