HAMLET

(Adam McNaughton)



There was this king sleeping

In his garden all alane

When his brither in his ear dropped

A wee tait of henbane

Then he stole his brother's crown

And his money and his widow

But the dead king walked in cutty sark

And said hey listen, kiddo



I've been killed and it's your duty

To take revenge on Claudius

Kill him quick and clean and show

The nation what a fraud he is

The boy says, right, I'll do it

But I'll have to play it crafty

So that nobody will suspect me

I'll kid on that I'm a dafty



So wi all except Horatio

(and he trusts him as a friend)

Hamlet - that's the boy

Kids on he's round the bend

And because he wasn't ready

For obligatory killing

He tried to make the king think

He's tuppence off the shilling



Took the mickey oot Polonius

Treated poor Ophelia vile

And told Rosencrantz and Gildenstern

that Denmark was a jail

Then a troup of traveling actors

On the 784

Arrived to do a special one night

Gig in Elsinore



Hamlet, Hamlet, Loved his mommy

Hamlet, Hamlet, acting balmy

Hamlet, Hamlet, hesitating

Wonders if the ghost's a cheat

And that is why he's waiting



Then Hamlet wrote a scene for

The players to enact

While Horatio and him would watch

To see if Claudius cracked

The play was called "the Mousetrap"

(not the one that's running now)

And sure enough, the King walked out

Before the scene was through.



So Hamlet's got the proof that Claudius

Gived his dad the dose

The only problem being now that

Claudius knows he knows

So while Hamlet tells his ma that her

New husband's not a fit one

Uncle Claud puts out a contract with

The English king as hit man



And when Hamlet killed Polonius

The concealed corpus delecti

Was the King's excuse to send for

An English hempen necktie

With Rosencrantz and Gildenstern

To make sure he got there

But Hamlet jumped the boat and put

The finger on the pair



Meanwhile Laertes heard his dad had been

Stabbed thru the arras

He came racing back to Elsinore

Toute-suite, Hot foot from Paris

And Ophelia with her dad killed by

The man she wished to marry

After saying it with flowers

She commited hari-kari



Hamlet, Hamlet, there's no messin'

Hamlet, Hamlet, Learned his lesson

Hamlet, Hamlet, Yorick's crust

Convinced him that men, good or bad,

At last must come to dust



Then Laertes lost the place and was

Demanding retribution

But the king said, keep the head and

I'll provide you a solution

And he arranged a sword-fight with

The interested parties

With a blunted sword for Hamlet and

A sharp sword for Laertes



And to make things double sure

The old belt and braces line

He fixed a poison on the sword tip and

A poisoned cup of wine

And the poisoned sword got Hamlet

But Laertes went and muffed it

Cause he got stabbed himself and he

Confessed before he snuffed it



Then Hamlet's mammy drank the wine and

As her face turned blue

Hamlet says, I quite believe

The King's a baddy too

Incestuous, treacherous, damned Dane

He said, to be precise,

And made up for hesitating by

Killing Claudius twice



Cause he stabbed him with the sword and forced

The wine between his lips

Then he said, the rest is silence

That was Hamlet had his chips

They fired a volley over him that

Shook the topmost rafter

And Fortinbras, knee-deep in Danes

Lived happily ever after



Hamlet, Hamlet, a' the glory

Hamlet, Hamlet, end of story

Hamlet, Hamlet, I'm away

If you think this is boring

You should read the bloody play



@royalty @murder @ghost @poison

filename[ HAMLT

DC

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