New Year's Eve. The scene opens on the street outside the

apartment. One table, lying on its end, serves as the door.)



MARK (carrying mock door)

Pan to the padlocked door. New Year's Rocking Eve. The

breaking-back-into-the-building party...



(ROGER and MIMI try in vain to pry a padlock from the door. They

appear to be happy.)



MIMI

How long till next year?



ROGER

Three and half minutes...



MIMI

I'm giving up my vices

I'm going back -- back to school

Eviction or not

This week's been so hot

That long as I've got you

I know I'll be cool



I couldn't crack the love code, dear

'Til you made the lock on my heart explode

It's gonna be a happy new year

A happy new year



(MARK enters the scene.)



MARK

Coast is clear

You're supposed to be working

That's for midnight

Where are they?

There isn't much time



MIMI

Maybe they're dressing

I mean what does one wear that's apropos

For a party -- that's also a crime



(MAUREEN enters wearing a skintight "cat burgular" suit and carrying

a bag of potato chips.)



MAUREEN

Chips, anyone?



MARK

You can take the girl out of Hicksville

But you can't take the Hicksville out of the girl



MAUREEN

My riot got you on TV

I deserve a royalty



MIMI

Be nice you two

Or no god awful champagne



(MAUREEN takes out a cellular phone and dials.)



MAUREEN

Don't mind if I do

No luck?



ROGER

Bolted plywood, padlocked with a chain

A total dead end



MAUREEN

Just like my ex-girlfriend

(on cellular phone)

Honey...?

I know you're there ...

Please pick up the phone

Are you okay?

It's not funny

It's not fair

How can I atone?

Are you okay?

I lose control

But I can learn to behave

Give me one more chance

Let me be your slave



I'll kiss your Doc Martens

Let me kiss your Doc Martens

Your every wish I will obey



(JOANNE enters)



JOANNE

That might be okay

Down girl

Heel...stay

I did a bit of research

With my friends at legal aid

Technically, you're squatters

There's hope

But just in case

(JOANNE whips out...)



MARK & JOANNE

Rope!



MARK (pointing off)

We can hoist a line --



JOANNE

To the fire escape --



MARK

And tie off at...



MARK & JOANNE

That bench!



MAUREEN

I can't take them as chums



JOANNE

Start hoisting...wench



(All three cross upstage and attempt to throw up the length of rope

over a plank. ROGER and MIMI are laughing and holding each other.)



ROGER

I think I should be laughing

Yet I forget

Forget how to begin

I'm feeling something inside

And yet I still can't decide

If I should hide

Or make a wide open grin

Last week I wanted just to disappear

My life was dust

But now it just may be a happy new year

A happy new year



(COLLINS enters with ANGEL. COLLINS, dressed in black and

wearing sunglasses, carries a bottle of champagne. ANGEL wears a

plastic dress and blonde wig: a small blowtorch is slung over his

shoulder.)



COLLINS

Bond -- James Bond



ANGEL

And Pussy Galore -- in person



MIMI

Pussy -- you came prepared



ANGEL

I was a boy scout once

And a brownie

'Til some brat got scared



COLLINS (to MIMI)

Aha! Moneypenny -- my martini!



MIMI

Will bad champagne do?



ROGER

That's shaken -- not stirred



COLLINS

Pussy -- the bolts



(COLLINS takes a swig of champagne as ANGEL grabs the

blowtorch.)



ANGEL

Just say the word!



(ANGEL turns on the blowtorch.)



MIMI

Two minutes left to execute our plan



COLLINS

Where's everyone else?



ROGER

Playing Spiderman



MARK

Ironic close up: tight

On the phone machine's red light

Once the Boho boys are gone

The power mysteriously comes on