Oh, there's no fire in the fireplace

There's no carpet on the floor

Don't try to order dinner

There's no kitchen anymore

But if the road's been kinda bumpy

And you need to rest a spell

Well, welcome home to Happiness Hotel

If you've got luggage keep it handy

But you're running out of luck

'Cause the bellhops ain't to organized

And the elevator's stuck

Still if you don't mind friendly animals

And can learn to stand the smell

Well, welcome home to Happiness Hotel

Welcome home

Oh, welcome home

No matter where you wander

You will never do as well

Okay the lobby's looking shabby

And it's got the wrong address

And the whole dern thing has been condemned by 'Merican Express

Still the management is cheerful though the whole joint's gone to hell

Well welcome home to Happiness Hotel

Oh there are bugs

There are bugs

And there are lice

There are lice

Sure we have our little problems

But you'll never beat the price

You've got every kind of critter

You've got ev'ry kind of pest

But we treat 'em all as equals

Jes' like any other guest

Though you're cleaner than the others

Still as far as we can tell

You'll fit right in to Happiness Hotel

We'd fit right in to Happiness Hotel