Hello Sir, remember me?

I'm the man you thought I'd never be

The boy who you reduced to tears

Lad called 'thingy' for six whole years.



Yes, that's right, my name's Bob

The one who landed the pop star's job

The one you told, look don't touch

The kid who wouldn't amount to much.



Well, I'm here and you're still there

With a fake sports car and receding hair.

Dodgy Farah trousers that you think are smart

Married to the woman who teaches art.



Married to the life, married to the school

I wanna sing and dance Sir; now who's the fool?

Sing and dance, you thought I was barmy

Settle down thingy, join the army.



And who are you to tell me this?

The dream I want I'll have to miss

Sir is God, he's been given the right

To structure lives overnight.



Now I know life's true path

Tanks and guns that'll be a laugh

No, not me I'm a mega civilian

I won't lead my life riding pillion.



But thanks for the advice and I'm sure it'll do

For the negative dickheads just like you.

As for now I've a different weapon

Stage and sceen is about to beckon.



And here I sit in first class

Bollocks Sir, kiss my arse...