Hello Johnson your mother once gave me a lift back from school

- That's no reason to get so excited

I'd been playing football with the youngsters, Johnson says don't dramatise

- And you can't even spell salacious

In a caravette with such a pretty widow, but wheels aren't there to be looked at.

- And it's cheap to say that she's delicious

When she's someone's daughter



Horse chimes so stupid and so mean

On the offensive all wolf whistle and jeans

Horse chimes they neigh they never bell

All straw and piss they never kiss but tell

Horse chimes - Coarse times are here

And don't I know it, and I'm ashamed

And you won't say it, that we're to blame

And I must change



There is a saying tailormade for her she is the apple of your eye

- Lord don't smother her in soapy feelings

You buy a pedestal only to rest it in a wheelchair

- Beauty can't be beauty 'till it's dying

And I think I'll die unless I kiss you, please don't murder me

- Hark I hear the ghost of feeling leaving

- And you know what pushed her



Horse chimes so stupid and so mean

On the offensive all wolf whistle and jeans

Horse chimes they neigh they never bell

All straw and piss they never kiss but tell

Horse chimes - Coarse times are here

And don't I know it, and I'm ashamed

And you won't say it, that we're to blame

And I must change