Funny girl is the life of vaudeville comedienne fanny brice (1891-1951), starting in 1910.

Actually the show starts after she has become a success on stage and flashes back to her

Origins. it opens in fanny's dressing room. she is waiting for her husband, nick arnstein,

To return after being in prison. she looks back to when she was a 19-year old hopeful.

Her mother's poker buddies think she's wasting her life trying to break into show business.

Mrs. strakosh:

Fanny, when people pay good money in the the-ay-ter--

Especially the male element--they want something to look at!



If a girl isn't pretty

Like a miss atlantic city,

All she gets in life

Is pity and a pat.

Mrs. brice:

Is a nose with deviation

Such a crime against the nation?

Should i throw her into jail

Or drown the cat?

Mrs. strakosh, o' malley and

Meeker:

She must shine in ev'ry detail

Like a ring you're buying retail,

Be a standard size that

Fits a standard dress.

Mrs. strakosh:

When a girl's incidentals

Are no bigger than two lentils

Mrs. strakosh, o' malley and

Meeker:

Then to me that doesn't spell success.





Fanny auditions for keeney's music hall but keeney kicks her out of the chorus

Because she doesn't look like the others.

Eddie ryan, dance director for keeney, agrees:



Eddie:

If a girl isn't pretty

Like a miss atlantic city,

She should dump the stage

And try another route.

Any guy who pays a quarter

For a seat just feels he oughter

See a figger that his wife can't

Substitute.



Kid, my heart ain't made of marble

But your rhythm's really horr'ble

And that map of yours just ain't no

Valentine.

Everything you got's about right,

But the damn thing don't come out right

So forget it, kid,

And just resign.

Chorus:

If a girl isn't pretty,

If a girl isn't pretty,

If a girl isn't pretty,

If a girl isn't pretty,

If a girl isn't pretty,

She should get a job,

Go get a job--

Get any job

Get a weekly pay,

'cause if a girl isn't pretty

Like a miss atlantic city,

She's a real miss nobody, u.s.a.


more