It's been one week since we got to see

Cheatin' lovers and cousins that marry

Five days since they had the show

With the hermaphrodite, the slut and the crack ho

Three days since we heard the tale

About the guy who learned his woman was a she-male

Yesterday it occurred to me

That I've been watchin' a bit too much Jerry Springer



Holy cow, d'you see it last week?

Well, they had this one freak

Who sucker-punched his whole family

Do you recall when the brawl

Became a total free-for-all?

And Jerry's in the middle tryin' to be the referee

Hey, see the stripper with the implants?

She likes to lap dance

And date the boyfriend of her mother

Now here comes Jerry's next guest

And it's a slugfest

'Cause it's her trailer trash brother

Nymphomaniac is back on crack

It's like "When Animals Attack"

They all exhibit reprehensible behavior

Hit 'em in the nose, tear off their clothes

Step on their toes, that's how it goes

They get so violent they have to sign a waiver



They're always swearin', cursin', kickin' butt and pointin' blame

On the air? They don't care, they've got no shame

There was one guy who I'm sure felt a little strange

When he found out that his wife had a sex change

They have a tendency to scream and yell constantly

They have a history of ripping off their shirts



It's been one week since they had the fight

With the Siamese twins and the transvestite

Five days since that awful brawl

They still haven't got the blood off the wall

It's been three days since the bitter feud

Between the KKK and that gay Jewish black dude

Yesterday, finally dawned on me

I'm spendin' way too much time on that Jerry Springer



male Springer guest: Baby, I've been sleepin' with your sister.

female Springer guest: Oh, which one?

male Springer guest: All of 'em.

female Springer guest: Ah, well, I've been sleepin' with your best friend Jake.

male Springer guest: Yeah? W-Well, me too! And, I've been sleepin' with your dog Woofie!

female Springer guest: Woofie, you b*tch! Well I'm also sleepin' with your pet goat!

male Springer guest: That goat doesn't love you!



Once you start watchin', there's just no stoppin'

Your brain shuts down, then your IQ's droppin'

Jerry's the king of confrontation

He's a sensation

He puts the 'sin' in syndication

It's totally worthless, like a bad check

It's like a train wreck

Don't wanna stare, but you can't look away

Like Sally Jesse he does talk shows

But with more weirdos

The ratings jumpin' higher every day

If you've seen the show, well then you know

It's just as low as you can go

The guests are tacky and they're lacking in their hygiene

And pretty soon some ugly goon

Comes in the room and then it's BOOM

In the face of some unsuspecting drag queen



Well, it's the kind of show where people scream obscenities

Yankin' hair, throwin' chairs at their hubbies

"Jerry! Jerry!" Now the crowd starts their favorite chant

Should I turn off my TV? I just can't

I have a tendency to watch it religiously

I have a history of taping each one



It's been one week since the show about

Psycho killers with problems they should work out

Five days since the big surprise

When some loser's wife said that she's still dating twenty guys

Three days since he interviewed

A bunch of psychic porn star midgets who were all nude

Yesterday, it occurred to me

That I've been watchin' a bit too much Jerry Springer

Tired of wastin' my time on that Jerry Springer

I've got way too much class to watch Jerry Springer

Come over here and pull on my finger