Frank zappa (lead guitar, vocals)

Warren cucurullo (rhythm guitar, vocals)

Denny walley (slide guitar, vocals)

Ike willis (lead vocals)

Peter wolf (keyboards)

Tommy mars (keyboards)

Arthur barrow (bass, vocals)

Ed mann (percussion)

Vinnie colaiuta (drums)

Jeff (tenor saxophone)

Marginal chagrin (baritone saxophone)

Stumuk (bass saxophone)

Dale bozzio (vocals)

Al malkin (vocals)

Craig steward (harmonica)



A boring old garage in a residential area with a teen-age band rehearsing in it. joe (the main character in the central scrutinizer's special presentation) sings to us of the trials and tribulat

Of garage-band husbandry.



Central scrutinizer:

We take you now, to a garage, in canoga park.



Frank zappa:

(it makes it's own sauce...)



Joe:

It wasn't very large

There was just enough room to cram the drums

In the corner over by the dodge

It was a fifty-four

With a mashed up door

And a cheesy little amp

With a sign on the front said "fender champ"

And a second hand guitar

It was a stratocaster with a whammy bar



At this point, larry (a guy who will eventually give up music and earn a respectable living as a roadie for a group called toad-o) joins in the song...



Larry:

We could jam in joe's garage

His mama was screamin'

His dad was mad

We was playin' the same old song

In the afternoon 'n' sometimes we would

Play it all night long

It was all we knew, 'n' easy too

So we wouldn't get it wrong

All we did was bend the string like...

Hey!

Down in joe's garage

We didn't have no dope or lsd

But a coupla quartsa beer

Would fix it so the intonation

Would not offend yer ear

And the same old chords goin' over 'n' over

Became a symphony

We would play it again 'n' again 'n' again

'cause it sounded good to me

One more time!

We could jam in joe's garage

His mama was screamin',

"turn it down!"

We was playing' the same old song

In the afternoon 'n' sometimes we would

Play it all night long

It was all we knew, and easy too

So we wouldn't get it wrong

Even if you played it on a saxophone

We thought we was pretty good

We talked about keepin' the band together

'n' we figured that we should

'cause about this time we was gettin' the eye

From the girls in the neighborhood

They'd all come over 'n' dance around

Like...



Twenty teen-age girls dash

In and go stomp-clap,

Stomp-clap-clap...



So we picked out a stupid name

Had some cards printed up for a coupla bucks

'n' we was on our way to fame

Got matching suits 'n' beatle boots

'n' a sign on the back of the car

'n' we was ready to work in a go-go bar



One two three four

Let's see if you got some more!



People seemed to like our song

They got up 'n' danced 'n' made a lotta noise

An' it wasn't 'fore very long

A guy from a company we can't name

Said we oughta take his pen

'n' sign on the line for a real good time

But he didn't tell us when

These "good times" would be somethin'

That was really happenin'

So the band broke up

An' it looks like

We will never play again...



Joe:

Guess you only get one chance in life

To play a song that goes like...



(and, as the band plays their little song,

Mrs. borg (who keeps her son sy,

In the closet with the vacuum cleaner)

Screams out the window...



Mrs. borg:

Turn it down!

Turn it down!

I have children sleeping here...

Don't you boys know any nice songs?



Joe:

(speculating on the future)

Well the years was rollin' by, yeah

Heavy metal 'n' glitter rock

Had caught the public eye, yeah

Snotty boys with lipstick on

Was really flyin' high, yeah

'n' then they got that disco thing

'n' new wave came along

'n' all of a sudden i thought the time

Had come for that old song

We used to play in "joe's garage"

And if i am not wrong

You will soon be dancin' to...



Central scrutinizer:

The white zone is

For loading and

Unloading only. if you

Gotta load or unload,

Go to the white

Zone. you'll love it...



Joe:

Well the years was rollin' by (etc.)...



Mrs. borg:

I'm calling the police!

I did it! they'll be here...shortly!



Officer butzis:

This is the police...



Mrs. borg:

I'm not joking around anymore



Officer butzis:

We have the garage surrounded

If you give yourself up

We will not harm you

Or hurt you neither



Mrs. borg:

You'll see them



Officer butzis:

This is the police



Mrs. borg:

There they are, they're coming!



Officer butzis:

Give yourself up

We will not harm you



Mrs. borg:

Listen to that mess, would you?



Officer butzis:

This is the police

Give yourself up

We have the garage surrounded



Mrs. borg:

Everday this goes on around here!



Officer butzis:

We will not harm you, or maim you

(swat team 4, move in!)



Mrs. borg:

He used cut my grass...

He was very nice boy...

That's disgusting!!



Central scrutinizer:

This is the central scrutinizer...

That was joe's first confrontation with the law.

Naturally, we were easy on him.

One of our friendly counselors gave him

A do-nut...and told him to

Stick closer to church-oriented social activities.


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