Tom- I masturbated like 5 times within the last 24 hours.

It's gonna fall off, it hurts!!! Do i look feminine when i stand like this?



(Intro Starts)



Tom- I met Christina Applegate this morning.



Mark- Ehh?



Tom- I think she looked at my butt.



(Intro Ends)



Mark- Lets hear it for blow jobs people!



(Song Starts)



Yeah my girlfriend!

Takes me home when I'm too drunk to drive.

And she doesn't get all jealous,

when I hang out with the guys.

She laughs at my dumb jokes when no one does.

She brings me Mexican food from Sombrero's just because.

(yeah just because)



And my girlfriend,

Likes U.L and D.H.C.

And she's so smart and independent,

I don't think she needs me,

quite half as much as I know I need her.

I wonder why there's not another,

guy that she'd prefer.



And when I feel like giving up

like my world is falling down



I show up at 3a.m.

She's still up watching vacation

and I see her pretty face

It takes me away to a better place and

I know that everything

know that everything

know that everything

everything's gonna be fine

I know that everything

know that everything

know that everything

everything's gonna be fine (PFFFTTT!!!)



And my girlfriend

takes collect calls from the road

and it doesn't seem to matter

that I'm lacking in the buldge

She laughs at my dumb jokes when no one does (haha!)

She brings me Mexican food from Sombrero's just because



And when I feel like giving up

like my world is falling down (that was the wrong note)



I show up at 3a.m.

She's still up watching vacation

and I see her pre