Will:

I got to Kansas City on a Frid'y

By Sattidy I larned a thing or two

'Coz up to then I didn't have an idy

Of whut the modren world was comin' to!

I counted twenty gas buggies goin' by theirsel's

Almost ev'ry time I tuk a walk.

'Nen I put my ear to a Bell Telephone

And a strange womern started in to talk!

Man 1:

To you?

Man 1:

Whut next!

Men:

Yeak whut!

Will:

Whut next?

Gather 'round!

Ev'rythin's up to date in Kansas City

They've gone about as fur as they c'n go!

They went and built a skyscraper seven stories high,

About as high as a buildin' orta grow.

Ev'rythin's like a dream in Kansas City,

It's better than a magic lantern show!

Y' c'n turn the radiator on

Whenever you want some heat.

With ev'ry kind o' comfort

Ev'ry house is all complete.

You c'n walk to privies in the rain

And never wet your feet!

They've gone about as fur as they c'n go,

Men:

Yes sir!

They've gone about as fur as they c'n go!

Will:

Ev'rythin's up to date in Kansas City

They've gone about as fur as they c'n go!

They got a big theayter they call a burleeque.

Fer fifty cents you c'n see a dandy show.

Man 1:

Gals?

Will:

One of the gals was fat and pink and pretty,

As round above as she was round below.

I could swear that she was padded

From her shoulder to her heel,

But latter in the second act

When she began to peel

She proved that ev'rythin' she had was absolutely real!

She went about as fur as she could go,

Men:

Yes sir!

She went about as fur as she could go!