Downstage right, the PRINCIPALS have lined up and are waiting to

be seated. A large table is situated down center. Down and to the

right, BENNY and MR. GREY are seated at a smaller table. The

RESTAURANT MAN tries to shoo our friends out.)



RESTAURANT MAN

No please no

Not tonight please no

Mister -- can't you go --

Not tonight -- can't have a scene



ROGER

What?



RESTAURANT MAN

Go, please go;

You -- Hello, sir --

I said, "No"

Important customer



MARK

What am I -- just a blur?



RESTAURANT MAN

You sit all night -- you never buy!



MARK

That's a lie -- that's a lie

I had a tea the other day



RESTAURANT MAN

You couldn't pay



MARK

Oh yeah



COLLINS

Benjamin Coffin III -- here?



RESTAURANT MAN

Oh no!



ALL

Wine and beer!



MAUREEN

The enemy of Avenue A

We'll stay



(They sit.)



RESTAURANT MAN

Oy vey!



COLLINS

What brings the mogul in his own mind to the Life Cafe?



BENNY

I would like to propose a toast

To Maureen's noble try

It went well



MAUREEN

Go to hell



BENNY

Was the yuppie scum stomped

Not counting the homeless

How many tickets weren't comped



ROGER

Why did Muffy --



BENNY

Alison



ROGER

Miss the show?



BENNY

There was a death in the family

If you must know



ANGEL

Who died?



BENNY

Our Akita



BENNY, MARK, ANGEL, COLLINS

Evita



BENNY

Mimi -- I'm surprised

A bright and charming girl like you

Hangs out with these slackers

(Who don't adhere to deals)

They make fun -- yet I'm the one

Attempting to do some good

Or do you really want a neighborhood

Where people piss on your stoop every night?

Bohemia, Bohemia's

A fallacy in your head

This is Calcutta

Bohemia is dead



(The BOHEMIANS immediately begin to enact a mock funeral, with

MARK delivering the "eulogy.")



MARK

Dearly beloved we gather here to say our goodbyes



COLLINS & ROGER

Dies irae -- dies illa

Kyrie eleison

Yitgadal v' yitkadash, etc.



MARK

Here she lies

No one knew her worth

The late great daughter of mother earth

On this night when we celebrate the birth

In that little town of Bethlehem

We raise our glass -- you bet your ass to --

(MAUREEN flashes hers.)

La vie Boheme



ALL

La vie Boheme

La vie Boheme

La vie Boheme

La vie Boheme



MARK

To days of inspiration

Playing hookie, making something out of nothing

The need to express --

To communicate,

To going against the grain,

Going insane

Going mad



To loving tension, no pension

To more than one dimension,

To starving for attention,

Hating convention, hating pretension

Not to mention of course,

Hating dear old mom and dad



To riding your bike,

Midday past the three piece suits

To fruits -- to no absolutes --

To Absolut -- to choice --

To the Village Voice --

To any passing fad



ALL

La vie Boheme

La vie Boheme



(JOANNE enters.)



MAUREEN

Is the equipment in a pyramid?



JOANNE

It is, Maureen



MAUREEN

The mixer doesn't have a case

Don't give me that face



(MAUREEN smacks JOANNE's ass as she exits. MR. GREY reacts.)



MR. GREY

Ahhemm



MAUREEN

Hey Mister -- she's my sister



RESTAURANT MAN

So that's five miso soup, four seaweed salad

Three soy burger dinner, two tofu dog platter

And one pasta with meatless balls



A BOY

Ugh



COLLINS

It tastes the same



MIMI

If you close your eyes



RESTAURANT MAN

And thirteen orders of fries

Is that it here?



ALL

Wine and beer!



MIMI & ANGEL

To hand-crafted beers made in local breweries

To yoga, to yogurt, to rice and beans and cheese

To leather, to dildos, to curry vindaloo

To huevos rancheros and Maya Angelou



MAUREEN & COLLINS

Emotion, devotion, to causing a commotion

Creation, vacation



MARK

Mucho masturbation



MAUREEN & COLLINS

Compassion, to fashion, to passion when it's new



COLLINS

To Sontag



ANGEL

To Sondheim



FOUR PEOPLE





To anything taboo



COLLINS & ROGER

Ginsberg, Dylan, Cunningham and Cage



COLLINS

Lenny Bruce



ROGER

Langston Hughes



MAUREEN

To the stage



PERSON #1

To Uta



PERSON #2

To Buddha



PERSON #3

Pablo Neruda, too



MARK & MIMI

Why Dorothy and Toto went over the rainbow

To blow off Auntie Em



ALL

La vie Boheme



(JOANNE returns.)



MAUREEN

And wipe the speakers off before you pack



JOANNE

Yes, Maureen



MAUREEN

Well -- hurry back



(MAUREEN and JOANNE kiss.)



MR. GREY

Sisters?



MAUREEN

We're close



(ANGEL jumps on of COLLINS, who's on the table. They kiss.)



ANGEL, COLLINS, MAUREEN, MARK, MR. GREY

Brothers!



MARK, ANGEL, MIMI & THREE OTHERS

Bisexuals, trisexuals, homo sapiens,

Carcinogens, hallucinogens, men, Pee Wee Herman

German wine, turpentine, Gertrude Stein

Antonioni, Bertolucci, Kurosawa

Carmina Burana



ALL

To apathy, to entropy, to empathy, ecstasy

Vaclav Havel -- The Sex Pistols, 8BC,

To no shame -- never playing the Fame Game



COLLINS

To marijuana



ALL

To sodomy,

It's between God and me

To S & M



(MR. GREY walks out.)



BENNY

Waiter...Waiter...Waiter



ALL

La vie Boheme



COLLINS

In honor of the death of Bohemia an impromptu salon will commence

immediately following dinner...Mimi Marquez, clad only in bubble wrap,

will perform her famous lawn chair-handcuff dance to the sounds of

iced tea being stirred.



ROGER

Mark Cohen will preview his new documentary about his inability to

hold an erection on high holy days.



(ROGER picks up an electric guitar and starts to tune it.)



MARK

Maureen Johnson, back from her spectacular one-night engagement

at the eleventh street lot, will sing native american tribal chants

backwards through her vocoder, while accompanying herself on the

electric cello -- which she has never studied.



(At this point, JOANNE has entered and seen MAUREEN playfully kiss

MARK. JOANNE exits. BENNY pulls MIMI aside.)



BENNY

Your new boyfriend doesn't know about us?



MIMI

There's nothing to know





BENNY

Don't you think that we should discuss --



MIMI

It was three months ago



BENNY

He doesn't act like he's with you



MIMI

We're taking it slow



BENNY

Where is he now?



MIMI

He's right -- hmm



BENNY

Uh huh



MIMI

Where'd he go?



MARK

Roger will attempt to write a bittersweet, evocative song.

(ROGER picks up a guitar and plays Musetta's Theme.)

That doesn't remind us of "Musetta's Waltz"



COLLINS

Angel Dumott Schunard will now model the latest fall fashions from Paris ,

while accompanying herself on the 10 gallon plastic pickle tub.



ANGEL

And Collins will recount his exploits as an anarchist -- including the

successful reprogramming of the M.I.T. virtual reality equipment

to self-destruct, as it broadcast the words:



ALL

"Actual reality -- Act Up -- Fight AIDS"



BENNY

Check!!



(BENNY exits. Lights on MIMI and ROGER.)



MIMI

Excuse me -- did I do something wrong?

I get invited -- then ignored -- all night long



ROGER

I've been trying -- I'm not lying

No one's perfect. I've got baggage



MIMI

Life's too short, babe, time is flying

I'm looking for baggage that goes with mine



ROGER

I should tell, you --



MIMI

I've got baggage too



ROGER

I should tell you --



MIMI

I got baggage, too



ROGER

I should tell you --



BOTH

Baggage - wine --



OTHERS

And beer!



(Several beepers sound. Each turns off his or her beeper.)



MIMI

AZT break



(MIMI, ROGER, ANGEL, and COLLINS take pills.)



ROGER

You?



MIMI

Me. You?



ROGER

Mimi



(They hold hands and stare into each other's eyes lovingly. The rest of

the company freezes