Anticipate



you are subtle as a window pane

standing in my view

but i will wait for it to rain

so that i can see you

you call me up at night

when there's no light passing through

and you think that i don't understand

but i do



we don't say everything that we could

so that we can say later

oh, you misunderstood

i hold my cards up

close to my chest

i say what i have to

and i hold back the rest



'cause someone you don't know

is someone you don't know

get a firm grip, girl

before you let go

for every hand extended

another lies in wait

keep your eye on that one

anticipate



dress down get out there

pick a fight with the police

we will get it all on film

for the new release

seems like everyone's an actor

or they're an actor's best friend

i wonder what was wrong to begin with

that they should all have to pretend

we lost sight of everything

when we have to keep checking our backs

i think we should all just smile

come clean

and relax



if there's anything i've learned

all these years on my own

it's how to find my own way there

and how to find my own way back home



Rockabye



tending the garden of noise

when i grow the traffic

and the church bells

and the neighborhood boys

singing to myself

as the solitude sets in

in tune with the symphony

of south brooklyn

i sing



rockabye, rockabye baby

rockabye, the baby that is me

rockabye, rockabye baby

rockabye till i'm fast asleep



the tunnel is train torn

the tracks are worn and sore

i can feel the rattle

riding up through the floor

she jumped the turnstile

he paid for his ride

i am the echo in the station

where their footfalls collide

i left her at the epicenter

we were trembling dutifully

i left him too

i left parts of me

singing rockabye...



i said today i am leaving

in every sense of the word

but i'm in love with your memory already

everything i've seen and heard

and i will go singing

as the solitude sets in

in time with the rhythm

of everywhere i have been

it sounds like rockabye...





Not So Soft



in a forest of stone

underneath the corporate canopy

where the sun

rarely

filters

down

the ground

is not so soft

not so soft



they build buildings to house people

making money

or they build buildings to make money

off of housing people

it's true

like a lot of things are true

i am foraging for a phone booth on the forest floor

that is not so soft

i look up

it looks like the buildings are burning

but it's just the sun setting

the solar system calling an end

to another business day

eternally circling signally

the rhythmic clicking on and off

of computers

the pulse

of the american machine

the pulse

that draws death dancing

out of anonymous side streets

you know

the ones that always get dumped on

and never get plowed

it draws death dancing

out of little countries

with funny languages

where the ground is getting harder

and it was

not

that

soft

before



those who call the shots

are never in the line of fire

why

where there's life for hire

out there

if a flag of truth were raised

we could watch every liar

rise to wave it

here

we learn america like a script

playwright

birthright

same thing

we bring

ourselves to the role

we're all rehearsing for the presidency

i always wanted to be

commander in chief

of my one woman army



but i can envision the mediocrity

of my finest hour

it's the failed america in me

it's the fear that lives

in a forest of stone

underneath the corporate canopy

where the sun

rarely

filters

down

and the ground

is not so soft





Roll With It



she says my ass hurts

when i sit down

she says my feet hurt

from just standing around

i think my body

is as restless as my mind

and i don't know if i can roll with it

this time



packed his uniforms

and drove him to the base

she was crying all the way

the world looked her in the face

and said

roll with it, baby

make it your career

keep the home fires burning

till america is in the clear



the mainstream is so polluted with lies

once you get wet, it's so hard to get dry

we're all taught how to justify

history

as it passes by

and it's your world

that comes crashing down

when the big boys decide

to throw their weight around

but just roll with it baby

make it your career

keep the home fires burning

till america is in the clear



what if the enemy

isn't in a distant land

what if the enemy lies behind

the voice of command

the sound of war

is a child's cry

behind tinted windows,

they just drive by

all i know is that those

who are going to be killed

aren't those who preside

on capitol hill

i told him,

don't fill the front lines

of their war

those assholes aren't worth dying for

but he said

roll with it, baby

make it your career

keep the home fires burning

till america is in the clear



she says my ass hurts

when i sit down

she says my feet hurt

from just standing around

i think my body is as restless as my mind

and i'm not gonna roll with it this time

no, i'm not gonna roll with it this time





Work Your Way Out



lying on the floor

four stories high

in the corridor

between the asphalt and the sky

i am caught like bottled water

the light daughter

i wonder what you look like

under your t-shirt

i wonder what you sound like

when you're not wearing words

i wonder what we have

when we're not pretending

it's never-ending, haven't you heard?

i don't need to tell you

what this is about

you just start on the inside

and work your way out

we are all polylingual

but some of us pretend

there's virtue in relying

on not trying to understand

we're all citizens of the womb

before we subdivide

into sexes and shades

this side

that side

and i don't need to tell you

what this is about

you just start on the inside

and work your way out

undressing for the fan

like it was a man

wondering about all the things

that i'll never understand

there are some things that you can't know

unless you've been there

but oh how far we could go

if we started to share

i don't need to tell you

what it is about

you just start on the inside

you just start on the inside

and work your way out





Fire Door



i opened the fire door

to four lips

none of which were mine

kissing

tightened my belt around my hips

where your hands were missing

and stepped out into the cold

collar high

under the slate gray sky

the air was smoking and the streets were dry

and i wasn't joking when i said

good bye

magazine quality men talking on the corner

french, no less much less of them then us

so why do i feel like something's been rearranged?

you know, taken out of context i must seem so strange



killed a cockroach so big

it left a puddle of pus on the wall

when you and i are lying in bed

you don't seem so tall

i'm singing now because my tear ducts are too tired

and my brain is disconnected but my heart is wired

i make such a good statistic

someone should study me now

somebody's got to be interested in how i feel

just 'cause i'm here

and i'm real



oh, how i miss

substituting the conclusion to confrontation with a kiss

and oh, how i miss

walking up to the edge and jumping in

like i could feel the future on your skin

i opened the fire door

to four lips

none of which were mine

kissing



i opened the fire door





Gratitude



thank you

for letting me stay here

thank you for taking me in

thank you

for the beer and the food

thank you

for loaning me bus fare

thank you for showing me around

that was a very kind thing to do

thank you

for the use of the clean towel

thank you for half of your bed

we can sleep here like brother and sister,

you said



but you changed the rules

in an hour or two

and i don't know what you

and your sisters do

but please don't

please stop

this is not my obligation

what does my body have to do

with my gratitude?



look at you

little white lying

for the purpose of justifying

what you're trying to do

i know that you feel my resistance

i know that you heard what i said

otherwise you wouldn't need the excuse



thank you

for letting me stay here

thank you for taking me in

i don't know where else

i would have turned

but i don't come and go

like a pop song

that you can play incessantly

and then forget when it's gone

you can't write me off

and you don't turn me on



so don't change the rules

in an hour or two

i don't know what you and your

sisters do

but please don't

please stop

this is not my obligation

what does my body have to do

with my gratitude?



The Whole Night

we can touch

touch our girl cheeks

and we can hold hands

like paper dolls

we can try

try each other on

in the privacy

within new york city's walls

we can kiss

kiss goodnight

and we can go home wondering

what would it be like if

if i did not have a boyfriend

we could spend

the whole night



i am waking up

in her bed

i sing 1st avenue

the open window said

always late to sleep

late to rise

lying here watching the day go by

in the living room

there are people on the carpet

having stupid conversations

just to hear themselves talk

and i am drifting through

i am heading for the kitchen

i am thinking of her fingers as i walk...





Both Hands



i am walking

out in the rain

and i am listening to the low moan

of the dial tone again

and i am getting

nowhere with you

and i can't let it go

and i can't get through...

the old woman behind the pink curtains

and the closed door

on the first floor

she's listening through the air shaft

to see how long our swan song can last

and both hands

now use both hands

oh, no don't close your eyes

i am writing

graffiti on your body

i am drawing the story of

how hard we tried

i am watching your chest rise and fall

like the tides of my life,

and the rest of it all

and your bones have been my bedframe

and your flesh has been my pillow

i am waiting for sleep

to offer up the deep

with both hands

in each other's shadows we grew less and less tall

and eventually our theories couldn't explain it all

and i'm recording our history now on the bedroom wall

and eventually the landlord will come

and paint over it all

and i am walking

out in the rain

and i am listening to the low moan of the dial tone again

and i am getting nowhere with you

and i can't let it go

and i can't get through

so now use both hands

please use both hands

oh, no don't close your eyes

i am writing graffiti on your body

i am drawing the story of how hard we tried

hard we tried

how hard we tried



She Says

she says forget what you have to do

pretend there is nothing

outside this room

and like an idea she came to me

but she came too late

or maybe too soon

i said please try not to love me

close your eyes, i'm turning on the light

you know i have no vacancy

and it's awfully cold outside tonight



the rain stains the brick a darker red

slowly i'm rolling out of her bed

the rain stains the streets a darker black

i dress my face in stone

because i can't go back



i feel her eyes watching me

from behind the curtain of her hair

and she says i'm sorry

i didn't mean to stare

i say i think i really have to go now

but oh baby, maybe someday

maybe somehow.



Rush Hour



rush hour

and the day's dawning

the rain came

and pushed me under the awning

the puddles grew and threw themselves at me

with every passing car

i'm shielding my guitar

and there were some things that i

did not tell him

there were certain things

he did not need to know

and there were some days

when i did not love him

he didn't understand me

and i don't know why

i didn't go

he said change the channel

i've got problems of my own

i'm so sick of hearing about drugs

and aids

and people without homes

and i said, well,

i'd like to sympathize with that

but if you don't understand

then how can you act

i expected summer to be there in the morning

i woke to the alarm

but she was out of arms reach

sneaking out

on silent thighs

that were spent and sore

from the hot nights that came before

he said i looked for you

i don't know why

i said i was wearing black so you could

see me against the sky

take your big leather boots

and your buckles and your chains

put them on a downtown train

i expected he would be there in the morning

i awoke to the alarm

he was still in arm's reach

but his body was just a disguise

his mind had wandered off long ago

you see in his eyes

love isn't over when the sheets are stained

in my head there remains

so much left to be said

make me laugh, make me cry, enrage me

but just don't try to disengage me



Out Of Habit

the butter melts out of habit

the toast isn't even warm

the waitress and the man in the plaid shirt

play out a scene they've played

so many times before

i am watching the sun stumble home in the morning

from a bar on the east side of town

and the coffee is just water dressed in brown

beautiful but boring

he visited me yesterday

he noticed my fingers

and asked me if i would play

i didn't really care a lot

but i couldn't think of a reason why not

i said if you don't come any closer i don't mind if you stay

my thighs have been involved in many accidents

and now i can't get insured

and i don't need to be lured by you

my cunt is built like a wound that won't heal

and now you don't have to ask

because you know how i feel

you know how i feel



art is why i get up in the morning

but my definition ends there

and it doesn't seem fair

that i'm living for something i can't even define

there you are right there

in the meantime



i don't want to play for you anymore

show me what you can do

tell me what are you here for

i want my old friends

i want my old face

i want my old mind

fuck this time and place



the butter melts out of habit



Lost Woman Song

i opened a bank account

when i was nine years old

i closed it when i was eighteen

i gave them every penny that i'd saved

and they gave my blood

and my urine

a number

now i'm sitting in this waiting room

playing with the toys

and i am here to exercise

my freedom of choice

i passed their handheld signs

went through their picket lines

they gathered when they saw me coming

they shouted when they saw me cross

i said why don't you go home

just leave me alone

i'm just another woman lost

you are like fish in the water

who don't know that they are wet

as far as i can tell

the world isn't perfect yet

his bored eyes were obscene

on his denim thighs a magazine

i wish he'd never come here with me

in fact i wish he'd never come near me

i wish his shoulder

wasn't touching mine

i am growing older

waiting in this line

some of life's best lessons

are learned at the worst times

under the fierce fluorescent

she offered her hand for me to hold

she offered stability and calm

and i was crushing her palm

through the pinch pull wincing

my smile unconvincing

on that sterile battlefield that sees

only casualties

never heroes

my heart hit absolute zero

lucille, your voice still sounds in me

mine was a relatively easy tragedy

now the profile of our country

looks a little less hard nosed

but that picket line persisted

and that clinic's since been closed

they keep pounding their fists on reality

hoping it will break

but i don't think there's a one of us

leads a life free of mistakes



Talk To Me Now



he said ani, you've gotten tough

'cause my tone was curt

yeah, and when i'm approached in a dark alley

i don't lift my skirt

in this city

self-preservation

is a full time occupation

i'm determined

to survive on these shores

i don't avert my eyes anymore

in a man's world

i am a woman by birth

and after nineteen times around i have found

they will stop at nothing once they know what you are worth

talk to me now

i played the powerless

in too many dark scenes

and i was blessed with a birth and a death

and i guess i just want some say in between

don't you understand

in the day to day

in the face to face

i have to act

just as strong as i can

just to preserve a place

where i can be who i am

so if you still know how

talk to me now



The Slant



the slant

a building settling around me

my figure female framed crookedly

in the threshold

of the room

door scraping floorboards

with every opening

carving a rough history

of bedroom scenes

the plot hard to follow

the text obscured

in the folds of sheets

slowly gathering the stains

of seasons spent lying there

red and brown

like leaves fallen

the colors of an eternal cycle

fading with the

wash cycle

and the rinse cycle

again an unfamiliar smell

like my name misspelled

or misspoken

a cycle broken

the sound of them strong

stalking talking about their prey

like the way hammer meets nail

pounding, they say

pounding out the rhythms of attraction

like a woman was a drum like a body was a weapon

like there was something more they wanted

than the journey

like it was owed to them

steel toed they walk

and i'm wondering why this fear of men

maybe it's because i'm hungry

and like a baby i'm dependent on them

to feed me

i am a work in progress

dressed in the fabric of a world unfolding

offering me intricate patterns of questions

rhythms that never come clean

and strengths that you still haven't seen