BERTHE:

She climbs a tree

And scrapes her knee

Her dress has got a tear.

SOPHIA:

She waltzes on her way to mass

And whistles on the stair.

BERTHE:

And underneath her wimpole

She has curlers in her hair!

SOPHIA:

I ever hear her singing in the abbey.

BERTHE:

She's always late for chapel,

MARGARETTA:

But her penitence is real.

BERTHE:

She's always late for everything,

Except for every meal.

MOTHER ABBESS:

I hate to have to say it

But I very firmly feel

BERTHE AND SOPHIA:

Maria's not an asset to the abbey!

MARGARETTA:

I'd like to say a word in her behalf.

Maria makes me laugh!

SOPHIA:

How do you solve a problem like Maria?

MOTHER ABBESS:

How do you catch a cloud and pin it down?

MARGARETTA:

How do you find a word that means Maria?

BERTHE:

A flibberti gibbet!

SOPHIA:

A willo' the wisp!

MARGARETTA:

A clown!

MOTHER ABBESS:

Many a thing you know you'd like to tell her,

Many a thing she ought to understand.

MARGARETTA:

But how do you make her stay

And listen to all you say,

MOTHER ABBESS:

How do you keep a wave upon the sand?

MARGARETTA:

Oh, how do you solve a problem like Maria?

MOTHER ABBESS:

How do you hold a moonbeam in your hand?

MARGARETTA:

When I'm with her I'm confused,

Out of focus and bemused,

And I never know exactly where I am.

SOPHIA:

Unpredictable as weather,

She's as flighty as a feather,

MARGARETTA:

She's a darling,

BERTHE:

She's a demon,

MARGARETTA:

She's a lamb.

SOPHIA:

She'd out-pester any pest,

Drive a hornet from his nest,

BERTHE:

She can throw a whirling dervish

Out of whirl.

MARGARETTA:

She is gentle,

She is wild,

SOPHIA:

She's a riddle.

MARGARETTA:

She's a child.

BERTHE:

She's a headache!

MARGARETTA:

She's an angel!

MOTHER ABBESS:

She's a girl.

ALL NUNS:

How do you solve a problem like Maria?

How do you catch a clown and pin it down?

How do you find a word that means Maria?

A flibberti gibbet!

A willo' the wisp!

A clown!

Many a thing you know you'd like to tell her,

Many a thing she ought to understand.

But how do you make her say,

And listen to all you say?

How do you keep a wave upon the sand?

Oh, how do you solve a problem like Maria?

How do you hold a moonbeam in your hand