Mary Long is a hypocrite

She does all the things that she tells us not to do

Selling filth from a corner shop

And knitting patterns to the high street queue

She paints roses, even makes them smell good

And then she draws titties on the khazy wall

Drowns kittens just to get a thrill

And writes sermons in the Sunday Chronicle



How did you lose your virginity, Mary Long ?

When will you lose your stupidity, Mary Long ?



Mary told Johnny not to write such trash

Said it was a waste of public money

She made a fuss, they made apologies

But everybody thought the show was funny

When the nation knew you'd had children

It came as such a surprise

We really didn't know you'd had it in you

How you did it we can only surmise



How did you lose your virginity, Mary Long ?

When will you lose your stupidity, Mary Long ?



Mary Long, you're not alone

But you're a long way behind our times

What we do in full frontal view

Is more honest than your clean-up mind

What I'm saying, Mary Long is

When you can spare a minute

Go find your friend the porny Lord

Dig your self a hole and jump in it



How did you lose your virginity, Mary Long ?

When will you lose your stupidity, Mary Long ?