Jello Biafra/Mojo Nixon)



When I was young

Saw football games

At the great big stadium

Could tell the fans

>From out of town

By the clown suits they had on



20,000 red cowboy hats

Means Cornhuskers to you

Mickey Mouse beans

With tiger ears

Shows you cheer ol' Mizzou

Let's not forget the Razorbacks

>From the U. of Arkansas

With plastic pig snouts

On their heads

Soon eeeing, "How 'bout them Hawgs?"



CHORUS

That's

Mascot Mania

Mascot Mania

Uh-huh

Uh-huh

Mascot Mania

Mascot Mania

Uh-huh

Uh-huh



I work all week

At a job I hate

Where everything goes wrong

Weekend's what I live for

To your church I belong



I cross the street in San Francisco

When a chump comes out of a bar

Yellin', "Forty-Fuckin' Niiners, man"

With his gold and red jacket on



In Cleveland throwing dog biscuits

Shows how much ya love them Browns

While Bronco fans just hang their heads

When the Super Bowl comes around



Raider jacket dollars

Got the White Sox wearin' black

Statues of Joe Paterno

Sold in gift shops at Penn State



That's Mascot Mania



Don't make fun of religious rituals

In any place

Lord help you if you laugh

While they do this with a straight face



Outside of the United States

It gets even more bizarre

In Tokyo they got a baseball team

They call the Carp



The Salmonnbellies are the pride

of New Westminster, B.C.

C'mon, Greg Wrckman, what's a Hoosier?

And why do they throw chairs?



When Sudbury, Ontario's

Hockey team scores a goal

They drag a stuffed wolf

Cross the ice

A fan shot at it once, ya know



That's Mascot Mania



Blue Streak

Horned Frogs

Long Horns

Trojans



Someone better tell Tipper Gore

'Bout the names of these here teams



Tar Heels

Garnecocks

Blue Devils

Crimson Tide



Real Indians

Sick of Redskins

And Tomahawk chops



It seems to me

That to stay mean

These names should change with time



The NEw York Muggers

Detroit Murders

And Chicago Mob



Boston Bigots

Texas Swindlers

And the L.A. Cops



Miami Drugs

New Jersey Dumps

Take on the Denver Smog



Seattle Fads

New Orleans Hoods

Milwaukee Cannibals



San Diego Jarheads

ANd the Arizona Drought



That's Mascot Mania

Uh-huh

Uh-huh



Go Carp, go!

Salmonbellies rule!

Hit 'em harder cops!

But a hockey team called the Mighty Ducks?

Aw, man.



Heads explode when Dallas Oswalds

Meet Washington Bribes

Home team bands play "Cop Killer"

When L.A. comes to town





Pittsburgh Polluters

Houston Drive-Bys

Don't stir near the fear



When the Florida Abortion Bombers

Meets the San Francisco Queers



That's Mascot Mania

Uh-huh

Uh-huh



Anywhere ya go

The game's the same old thing

Bet your money on the Bribes

They always win

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