Cledus T. Judd/Chris Clark, Cledus Crap Anthems (SESAC)/Of Music, Inc. (SESAC) Twas the fight before Christmas When all through the house No furniture left standing, no TV or couch Our aquarium, heck they even knocked over my Chia Pet MeMaw was flung 'cross the room by her hair By her sister Ethel who never fought fair LET'S GET READY TO TUMBLE!!!!!!! The children all wrestled and jumped off the beds Dropping elbows and knees on each other's heads And MaMaw wth her frying pan and Pa with his bat Cleared half the room in ten seconds flat The whole brawl began from an innocent matter When Aunt Flo thought Eugene said She looks a whole lot fatter She knocked him through the window he fell with a crash Tore down the gutters and busted his LEG REALLY BAD You ought to have saw it It looked like he'd been in a motorcycle wreck No Kiddin Yeah awful I couldn't turn to look at it You see both sides of our family have never gotten along And every holiday something always go wrong You ain't supposed to fight but spread joy in this season But when they get the nog they just look for a reason In no time at all everybody joined in And right there we squared off with our closest of kin It's a time for givin said Uncle Bill As he gave a black eye to his brother-in-law Phil I heard somebody say It's the thought that counts And right now I'm thinking about knocking your butt out Presents and fists flew all over the room And NaNa had some fancy moves with the broom She took out three cousins and knocked down the tree And I ducked just in time she swung out at me It's my favorite time of year Dad always has too much beer Gets on the roof and hunts reindeer Merry Christmas from the whole fam damily Tie the antlers on the dog Save some shine for Santa Claus From all the in-laws and outlaws Merry Christmas from the whole fam damily I crawled to the phone Lord it seemed like a mile And called 9-1-1 which we keep on speed dial In a matter of minutes out the window appeared Flashing blue lights and the Sherrif John Deere Just then six men burst through the door Some yelling HEY IT'S US Some GET ON THE FLOOR A stray punch from Grandpa found the sherrif's chin And just for good measure he clocked him again It took all 6 cops to get Grandpa in cuffs You know he gets feisty when he runs out of snuff We all stopped our fighting and cheered Grandpa on Heck I thought he could take them I guess I was wrong As they dragged him outside he yelled I'VE BEEN FRAMED He was kicking and screaming and calling them names You (bleep) You (bleep) Let me go you (bleep) You donut eatin stupid (bleep) son of a (bleep) We stood on the porch as did all our neighbras Who always took interest in our family's behavior Mind your own business we heard Grandma shout And We'll take back the presents and then come bail you out By now we'd forgotten what we were fighting for We were battered and bruised but united once more Then we all joined hands and sang Violent Night Violent Night And we heard Grandpa exclaim as they drove off out of sight: Merry Christmas to all...MAN that was a good fight!!!! Deck your neighbor deck the halls Tis the season for a brawl From all of us to all of y'all Merry Christmas from the whole fam damily Merry Christmas from the whole fam damily Merry Christmas from the whole fam damily