I'm sittin' in my chair watchin' the TV

It's not even on but there's plenty for me to see

I just lit some crazy ass shit

That my friend overnight-mailed to me

I'm fuckin' wasted

It's the best shit I ever tasted

I think they fuckin' laced it

'Cause I'm so damn lambasted

Oh my friend came over so I packed him a pipe

I told him he better go away with this shit but he didn't believe the hype

He sparked three bowls just to show he could take it

Two minutes later he was playing backgammon naked

He's fuckin' wasted

It's the best shit he ever tasted

He's lost in fuckin' spaced-ed

'Cause he's so wicked wicked wasted

Oh I spent the last two hours hiding under my bed

'Cause I looked in the garbage can and I think I saw my Uncle Louie's head

I'm fuckin' wasted

Well my friend blew a hit into my pet bird's face

The bird laughed hysterically and started to moon walk all over the placeHe

tripped over the toaster wire and fell on his beak

He looked at the two of us and he started to speak

I'm fuckin' wasted

It's the best shit I ever tasted

My brain's been erased-ed

Well fuckin' fried

Now I'm sittin' in the bathtub wantin' something to eat

I wanted a pizza-the bird said