I got a job in Atlanta in a mall playing Santa

Not because of any talent but because I was the

Only one the suit would fit

Everybody shopping, little sticky kids were hopping

On my lap with their fingers in my beard,

I guess they thought that I was really it

She sat down on my lap and said to me

"I'm twenty three and I need someone

You look like someone who could play with me

Stay with me, all day with me"



'Cause I'm in no man's land

Can't seem to find a real man

You know I'm lookin' for a steel man

She said I'm in no man's land

I'm gonna show you a real good time

I'd gladly pay you double overtime



She was beggin' to be mine, but my job was on the line

Should I say or should I go? I just didn't know

...Hmmmm



I left fifty kids standin' in line, they were whining, they were crying

And their mothers they were screaming in hysterics and I swear

I never heard such profanity

I dropped my suit on the floor,

They were trying to block the door

They were calling her a whore

They were driven to nativital insanity

We drove away in her Mercedes Benz,

Dirty blond split ends in the breeze

She said "I want to put you under my tree

You're just a little gift from me to me"



'Cause I'm in no man's land

Can't seem to find a real man

You know I'm lookin' for a steel man

She said I'm in no man's land

You know I'm ready for a real good time

I'd gladly pay you double overtime



She had money all her life

She wasn't lookin' to become my wife

She said, "I hope you understand,

I just want a nightful of man, Sonny"



She didn't notice I was thin with a delicate chin-aca