Performed by barbra streisand



I want men that i can squeeze, that i can please, that i can tease

Two or three or four or more!

What are those fools waiting for?

I want love and i want kissing i want more of what i'm missing



Nobody comes knocking at my front door

What do they think my knocker's for?

If they don't come soon there won't be any more!

What can the matter be?



I wash my clothes with lux, my etiquette's the best,

I spend my hard-earned bucks on just what the ads suggest

Oh dear what can the matter be

Nobody makes a pass at me!



I'm full of kellogg's bran, eat grapenuts on the sly,

A date is on the can of coffee that i buy

Oh dear, what can the matter be?

Nobody makes a pass at me!



Oh beatrice fair-fax, give me the bare facts,

How do you make them fall?

If you don't save me, the things the lord gave me

Never will be any use to me at all.



I sprinkle on a dash of "fragrance de amour,"

The ads say "makes men rash" but i guess their smell is pour

Oh dear what can the matter be

Nobody makes a pass at me.



I use ovaltine and listerine, barbasol and musterole

Life buoy soap and flit, so why ain't i got it?



I use coca cola and marmola, crisco, lesco and mazola,

Ex-lax and vapex, so why ain't i got sex?



I use albolene and maybellene, alka seltzer, bromo seltzer,

Odorono and sensation

So why ain't i got fascination?



My girdles come from the best, times ads say they're chick

And up above i'm dressed in the brassier of the week

Oh dear, what can the matter be?

Nobody makes a pass at me!



I use pond's on my skin, with rye-crisp i have thinned

I get my culture in i began "gone with the wind"

Oh dear, what can the matter be?

Nobody makes a pass at me!



Oh dor'thy dix, please, show me some tricks,

Please, i want some men to hold

I want attention and things i can't mention

And i want them all before i get too old



I use mum ev'ry day and angelus liplure,

But still men stay away just like iv'ry soap i'm pure

Just like i result of 99 and 44

One hundred percent p.o.

Oh dear what can the matter be?

Nobody makes a pass at me