This is the story of our first teacher

Shetland made her jumpers

And the devil made her features

Threw up her hands when my mum said our names

Embroidered all her stories with slanderous claims

it's over and done with



This is the story of losing my virginity

I held my breath and the fey held a trinity

People I'm making no claims to no mystery

But sometimes it feel like

My sex lifes all history

I'm not saying these events didn't

Touch our lives in any way

But, ah, they didn't make the impression

That some people say



This is the story of watching a man dying

The subjects unpopular

But I don't feel like lying

When I think of it now I acted like a sinner

I just washed my hands

Then I went for my dinner.