[Too $hort]

All rise...order in the court

The honourable judge muthafuckin' Too $hort

presidin' over Superior Players Court

The first case is the State vs. Fate Wilson A.K.A. Baby Flex

You bein' charged wit home invasion and hoe slaughter

For fuckin' another nigga's bitch



[Lil' Fate]

Listen close to what I say

Dog, it might hurt ya

I be cuttin' ya girl while you be goin' to work bruh

When she first called my conscience was like, "Hell naw, Fate don't"

But she said, "I'm only around the corner", and popped her lil' punt

Apartment 5-7-0-1, told her I was eatin' right now

Be over there when I get done

Got there, knocked on the door

She opened up the door half naked, lookin' exquisite

Ackin' mad 'cuz I ain't spoke to her since the last time a nigga hit it

She said, "Don't worry forget it since we only have 30 minutes"

'Fore her man came home for lunch

So I bust my nut and raised up wit

Five mnutes to spare, her man unaware

I saw him in traffic, beeped the horn and threw a deuce in the air

Yea I'm a playa

But I feel guilty 'bout cuttin' a broad

I need counselin' dog, 'cuz it's guilty as charged

Simply because I felt victim to lust and

Knowin' all the while it was my cousin girlfriend I had been fuckin' (Damn!)



[Too $hort]

The court finds you guitly as charged

Your sentence is PUI school

For pimpin' under the influence, nigga

Next case...

Oh we got us a repeat offender in the house

Jenny Jones A.K.A. Shanwnna

Same ol' charge...wanted in 8 states

What's yo story this time?



[Shawnna]

Oh yes yo' honor I see we talkin' again

I have no representation now shall we begin

I know you seen my face before but...hold on my friend

It's niggas gettin' away wit doin' the...same shit I did

I...can't do no bid

I got a mortgage and my kids

In a forest by the bridge

And I drives a Rolls Royce in a porridge wit dem grills

So you undertand I was tryna pay me some bills

When I was flippin' outta state while I was takin' a chill

Shootin' deem and a couple friends, spend a couple ends

Took the top off of the drop and let the bubble spin

Niggas got off in my knot and let them troubles in

So I decided to put that shit in my own hands

None of these hoes can fuck me, only God judge me

That man told me he love me and he flash money

My only crime could just be livin' it filthy

So let me hear it on mo' time--not guilty



[Too $hort]

Bailiff, take her into custody



[Woman screaming]

Oh, not my baby!

Hell naw!



[Too $hort]

Next case...

State vs. Velvet Jones A.K.A. Ludacris

You bein' charged wit impeedin' how traffic

Spendin' too much time tryna fuck one hoe

How do you plead Mr. Jones?



[Ludacris]

Man I'm the pimp of all pimps and y'all comin' up short



[Too $hort]

Calm down before I hold yo ass contempt of court



[Ludacris]

Ya honor, just be cool, let me approach that bench

And sprinkle seasonin' on yo ears 'bout how I choked that beeyotch!



[Too $hort]

Well did she promise you the pussy, mayn?



[Ludacris]

She ceratinly did

I got empty McDonald's cups in my car and my crib

She owe me sumthin', bitch betta show me sumthin'

Wrap her legs around my waist and start to throw me sumthin'

I'm simply the meanest, you lookin' at the stroke of a genius

The only verdict made should be the subpoena uh this penis

No objections or appeals, let's cut us a deal

And I promise to tell the truth if my partner don't squeal

She's awfully cautious, said the jury makes her nautious

She said she said she'd suck my dick if I dropped the charges

Oh no! Time to make ya kidneys shift



[Too $hort]

But didn't you fuck her best friend?



[Ludacris]

Oh, I plead the fifth



[Too $hort talking]

Yea, that sound like some shit you'll say

Ol' pimp ass nigga

Due to lack of evidence, I'm droppin' the charges

Don't let me see you in here again

Let this be a lesson learned

If you don't know you player rules

You liable to violate the game and get sent away for a long, long time

Remember...never hate on a real player

It ain't gon' get you nowhere, mayn

It's a lotta hoes out there player so...

Ain't no reason fot yuo to fuck ya best friend

Or ya cousin or ya brother's girl

Get ya own bitch, mayn, you know what I'm sayin'?

You runnin' around here...

Violatin' major player rules

You 'bout to get the muthafuckin' book thrown at yo bitch ass

Fuckin' 'round in this court

You know what I'm sayin'? It's all about the money baby

It it ain't about the money...it ain't about SHIT!!

To all you niggas runnin' 'round here...

Corny than a motherfucker

Just tryna fuck a bitch 'cuz you wanna get a nut off

Think about that money first, mayn--what is that bitch doin' for you?

What are you gettin' outta the situation?

Tryna give a bitch sumthin'

What you gon' give her sumthin' for--some pussy?!

It's trickin', mayn

Don't be a BEEUTCH!

Be a real pimp, nigga

Make that hoe pay you for everythang you do

Everythang you do you gotta get money, mayn...all day, all night

I wouldn't fuck a bitch for free

Just like I wouldn't rap for free, motherfucker

Yea, you know my favorite word...BEEUTCH!!