I come down the steps

I slip on the ice

Santa Claus been lookin'

Who's been naughty, who's been nice

I'm lookin' for one thing real tonight

Jesus, he comes up to me, Jesus, he sits down

Says take this fuckin' cross off my back, I'm goin' downtown

I say aw, but ain't that your uniform

He offers me a toke

Says 2000 years is long enough for this particular joke

He says I'm lookin' for one thing real tonight

I'm up here singin' these songs every night

Sometimes I wanna just make 'em all up on the spot

Maybe they wouldn't rhyme too good, they might not make sense

But then at least I wouldn't be repeating myself

I'm lookin' for one thing real tonight

And you're the one I've chosen

And I guess you've chosen me

Let's turn off the commercials

Let's turn off the TV

How well can we get to know

Each other in an hour

We can fight the daylight

We have that power

I'm lookin' for one thing real tonight

Van Gogh sits next to me, with a bucketful of paste

He rips off my ear and says glue this to my face

I'd like to leave America for someplace where they would

Not know a word of English and I might be understood

I'm lookin' for one thing real tonight