Now, let me tell you 'bout the school cafeteria

It's got all the others beat

It sells over four million burgers a year

Just think, that's almost two pounds of meat



My ice cream sandwich is lukewarm

But my burrito is much too cold

You know a school cafeteria is the only place

That sells artificially colored mold



You know a school cafeteria believes in mass production

They buy those lousy soy beans by the keg

I don't like to complain, but in a school cafeteria

You can buy a taco and get Bubonic Plague



Today in the school cafeteria

They introduced a brand new malt

It's called boysenberry dysentery

Please pass the salt



The tunafish sandwiches'll make you ill

The enchiladas are enough to kill

Before you eat, you'd better make out your will

In the school cafeteria today



After sixty-three years in the business

Our cook still hasn't got The Knack

And all the food in the school cafeteria

Comes from CARE packages that were sent back



Feel your arteries growing hard

As you eat another healthy spoonful of lard



It's no wonder that the food is so gross

The health department is afraid to come close

So everybody better hold your nose

In the school cafeteria today



So listen very closely, all you girls and guys

Here's a little message to the wise

You'd better not try the chili surprise

In the school cafeteria today, oh yeah

In the school cafeteria today