The doorbell was ringing, I couldn't ignore it no more

Who can it be now knockin' at my screen door

One hand held my beer and the other my remote

Didn't take too kindly to missin' "Murder She Wrote"

Creepin' over to the window, I snuck a quick look

A woman outside with carpet bag and sales book

She was here again, I warned her never to come back

Didn't like her drivin' here in that purple Cadillac



So many things grow in my secret garden

Nobody knows why

So many things grow in my secret garden



Special things I planted in my secret garden

Nobody knows the

Special things I planted in my secret garden



I invited her in, said, ma'am, we can sit down in the kitchen

She didn't know what hit her she sure did stop her bitchin'

Carried her downstairs and took a good look around

I had work to do and tried to not make a sound

No, I won't get caught because, Buddy, I ain't no fool

I got plenty of time and all my power tools

Now, sir, some may say that what I done was a crime

But they never had to smell her love potion number nine.



(Chorus)



Out back by the turnips I'm gonna bury my problems forever

When someone else comes askin' I'll say, "Oh, no, never"

"I never ever seen that person round here before"

Gonna plant me some tomatoes and maybe some yellow corn

A special fertilizer will make everything grow alright

Started plantin' my crops just a little after midnight

Now, sir, some may say that what I did was appallin'

But I'll never again have hear the words, "Avon callin'"