Coming home late from work, standing outside in the dark,

It's three o'clock and I'm fumbling for my keys.

I ought to fix that front porch light, maybe tomorrow I'll remember

Then I laugh when I remember that I won't.

Maybe it's wasting time, the way I'm spending mine,

Guess I should get something done.

While everyone's asleep, I claim that time for me,

And it's too dark to be mowing that lawn.

Pickin' up pork chop bones left on the floor by my bad dog

Mumbling to myself.

Take a look in the fridge, grab some Tostitos and picante sauce

And I'm headed for my chair.

Maybe it's wasting time, the way I'm spending mine,

Guess I should get something done.

While everyone's asleep, I claim that time for me,

And it's tood dark to be mowing that lawn.

Enough of that TV jones,

Turn it off and crawl into bed with my dead wife

Fumbling with my sheets.

Turn out the light, turn over and kick out my cat

It's a Sleepytime Cartoon.

Maybe it's wasting time, the way I'm spending mine,

Guess I should get something done.

While everyone's asleep, I claim that time for me,

And it's too dark to be mowing that lawn.