Frank Zappa (lead guitar, vocals)

Warren Cucurullo (rhythm guitar, vocals)

Denny Walley (slide guitar, vocals)

Ike Willis (lead vocals)

Peter Wolf (keyboards)

Arthur Barrow (bass, vocals)

Ed Mann (percussion)

Vinnie Colaiuta (drums)



JOE leaves the First Church of Appliantology and sets out to try L. RON's expensive advice



Central Scrutinizer:

This is the CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER... Joe has just learned to speak German Now, get this, here's why he did it! He's gonna go to this club on the other side of town, it's called THE CLOSET... And they got these Appliances in there that really go for a guy dressed up like a housewife who can speak German (you know what I mean)... so Joe's learned how to speak German, he goes into this place and he sees these little Kitchen Machineries dancing around with each other, and he sees this one...that looks like ah, it's a cross between an industrial vacuum cleaner and a chrome piggy bank with marital aids stuck all over its body...it's really exciting...and when he sees it, he BURSTS INTO SONG...



Joe:

Fick mich, du

miserabler hurensohn

Du miserabler hurensohn

Fick mich, du

miserabler hurensohn

Streck ihn aus

Streck aus deinen

heissen gelockten

Streck ihn aus

Streck aus deinen

heissen gelockten

Streck ihn aus

Streck aus deinen

heissen gelockten

schwanz

Ah-ee-ahee-ahhhhh!

Mach es sehr schnell

Rein und raus

Magisches Schwein

Mach es sehr schnell

Rein und raus

Magisches Schwein

Bis es spritzt, spritzt,

spritzt, spritzt

Feuer!

Bis es spritzt, spritzt,

spritzt, spritzt

Feuer!

Aber beklecker nicht

das Sofa, Sofa!

Aber beklecker nicht

das Sofa, Sofa!

Aber beklecker nicht

das Sofa, Sofa!

Aber beklecker nicht

das Sofa, Sofa!



Stunned by JOE's command of it's native tongue, a gleaming model XQJ-37 nuclear powered Pan-Sexual Roto-Plooker named SY BORG (previously thought to be the son of the lady who called the Police on cut two, side I), spindles over to JOE and says...



Sy Borg:

Pick me...I'm clean...

I am also programmed

for conversational

English.



This stuns JOE, who stands there speechless for a moment. Smitten by JOE's animal magnetism, SY continues...



Sy Borg:

May I have

this dance?



And JOE, looking sharp in his housewife costume with the napkin on his head and the yellow chiffon apron, responds boldly by repeat- ing the entreaty originally delivered in Deutsch in its conversational English form, so that his intentions re- garding the Appliance will be made perfectly clear...



Joe:

I've got a better idea...



Fuck me, you ugly son

of a bitch

You ugly son of a bitch

Fuck me, you ugly son

of a bitch

Stick it out

Stick out yer

hot curly weenie

Stick it out

Stick out yer

hot curly weenie

Stick it out

Stick out yer

hot curly weenie

Weenie...weenie,

weenie, weenie!



Make it go fast

In and out,

(In and out)

Magical Pig



Make it go fast

In and out,

(In and out)

Magical Pig



Till it squirts, squirts,

squirts, squirts

Fire



Till it squirts, squirts,

squirts, squirts

Fire



Don't get no jizz

upon that sofa, sofa

Don't get no jizz

upon that sofa, sofa

Don't get no jizz

upon that sofa, sofa

Don't get no jizz

upon that sofa, sofa



Whereupon, in order to

prove to JOE that he is

no ordinary Appliance, SY

quotes a few lines of

traditional American Love

Poetry...



Sy Borg:

What's a girl like you

Doing in a place

like this?

Do you come

here often?

Wait a minute...

I've got it...

You're an Italian...

What? You're Jewish?

Love your nails...

You must be a Libra...

Your place or mine?

Your place or mine?

Your place or mine?

Your place or mine?



See the chrome

Feel the chrome

Touch the chrome

Heal the chrome

See the screaming

Hot black steaming

Iridescent naugahyde

python screaming

Steam Roller!